Discussion Forum > Powerful daily question(s)
I think Mark's question was, "Is this what I want to be doing?"
A former coach suggested "What do I want *now*?"
In the heat of the moment, I often forget to ask these kinds of questions. Maybe when I'm caught up in the moment, asking myself "What am I doing?" may be enough to wake me up and then I can follow up with, "Is this what I want to be doing?"
Other provoking questions can be "What can I do today that will make life easier next month?" and "What 3 results can I accomplish so that I can call this a great day?"
A former coach suggested "What do I want *now*?"
In the heat of the moment, I often forget to ask these kinds of questions. Maybe when I'm caught up in the moment, asking myself "What am I doing?" may be enough to wake me up and then I can follow up with, "Is this what I want to be doing?"
Other provoking questions can be "What can I do today that will make life easier next month?" and "What 3 results can I accomplish so that I can call this a great day?"
July 17, 2011 at 22:59 |
Mike Brown
Mike Brown
I write "Is this what I want to be doing?" in the middle of my notebook's open page (in my modified SF-ish system, I see the open page all the time).
I have to admit that by now I look right past it, so it's time to post it somewhere else. I'm pretty happy with the choices I'm making these days, though. "Dreams" is guiding me well, better than pure SF did.
I have to admit that by now I look right past it, so it's time to post it somewhere else. I'm pretty happy with the choices I'm making these days, though. "Dreams" is guiding me well, better than pure SF did.
July 17, 2011 at 23:43 |
Bernie
Bernie
<<In the heat of the moment, I often forget to ask these kinds of questions. >>
Mike - I see an opportunity for an iPhone app, no? I'm actually serious... I wonder if there's an app with a random alarm option? You'd set the app to go off randomly throughout the day with your question.
Anyway, not only do I forget the question, but "in the heat of the moment", combined with mindless thought/action, I'm unaware if I'm in PULL or DRIFT mode. But if I had to bet $, I'd say drift more often than not. As such, I'm re-reading Dreams.
Mike - I see an opportunity for an iPhone app, no? I'm actually serious... I wonder if there's an app with a random alarm option? You'd set the app to go off randomly throughout the day with your question.
Anyway, not only do I forget the question, but "in the heat of the moment", combined with mindless thought/action, I'm unaware if I'm in PULL or DRIFT mode. But if I had to bet $, I'd say drift more often than not. As such, I'm re-reading Dreams.
July 17, 2011 at 23:56 |
avrum
avrum
<<"Is this what I want to be doing?>>
<<What do I want *now*?>>
If I'm on Facebook, or YouTube... wouldn't the answer to the above questions be: "Yes, I want to be doing this". I'm not sure how these questions are helpful re: PULL.
<<What do I want *now*?>>
If I'm on Facebook, or YouTube... wouldn't the answer to the above questions be: "Yes, I want to be doing this". I'm not sure how these questions are helpful re: PULL.
July 18, 2011 at 0:06 |
avrum
avrum
avrum,
That word "want" contains an entire meditation: do you "want" your Vision? Do you "want" to be a couch potato? Do you "want" what you want to want? I think the more one's Vision is sorted out, the more one's attention will be pulled to acting on the Vision instead of pondering these questions. I really hope that doesn't sound facetious or dismissive. It is no small feat at all, and very well worth the time spent on Mark's exercises.
That word "want" contains an entire meditation: do you "want" your Vision? Do you "want" to be a couch potato? Do you "want" what you want to want? I think the more one's Vision is sorted out, the more one's attention will be pulled to acting on the Vision instead of pondering these questions. I really hope that doesn't sound facetious or dismissive. It is no small feat at all, and very well worth the time spent on Mark's exercises.
July 18, 2011 at 0:25 |
Bernie
Bernie
This is my experience and it may not apply to anyone else.
Drift mode feels like addictive behaviour for me. I mindlessly surf or whatever in order to avoid some bad feeling. How would I thus answer: Is this what I want to be doing? At a surface level, the answer is yes. But in actual fact, Drifting is the easiest path. It's easier to drift than to dialogue with my future self and embrace my resistance. In other words, drifting (for me) is a way of numbing out the bad feeling of being stuck.
So how do I get out of that resistance and the stuckness it causes? There are two ways: PUSH and PULL mode. But PULL mode won't work unless I'm willing to do the hard work of the dialogue and let my resistance teach me what I need to learn. DRIFT mode just keeps me stuck. And if I'm working Dreams, then I also don't want to be in PUSH mode.
Getting unstuck (and out of Drift mode) begins for me with the question -- honestly asked and answered -- "Is this what I really want to be doing?" The thing is, in Drift mode I usually avoid that question. (I think Mark said somewhere that we don't even need to answer the question, just ask it... and it will bring us back into PULL mode.
Does anyone else have the experience that DRIFT mode actually feels bad if you scratch below the surface?
Drift mode feels like addictive behaviour for me. I mindlessly surf or whatever in order to avoid some bad feeling. How would I thus answer: Is this what I want to be doing? At a surface level, the answer is yes. But in actual fact, Drifting is the easiest path. It's easier to drift than to dialogue with my future self and embrace my resistance. In other words, drifting (for me) is a way of numbing out the bad feeling of being stuck.
So how do I get out of that resistance and the stuckness it causes? There are two ways: PUSH and PULL mode. But PULL mode won't work unless I'm willing to do the hard work of the dialogue and let my resistance teach me what I need to learn. DRIFT mode just keeps me stuck. And if I'm working Dreams, then I also don't want to be in PUSH mode.
Getting unstuck (and out of Drift mode) begins for me with the question -- honestly asked and answered -- "Is this what I really want to be doing?" The thing is, in Drift mode I usually avoid that question. (I think Mark said somewhere that we don't even need to answer the question, just ask it... and it will bring us back into PULL mode.
Does anyone else have the experience that DRIFT mode actually feels bad if you scratch below the surface?
July 18, 2011 at 0:41 |
silviastraka
silviastraka
Avrum -- re your YouTube use case -- think of the other big question from the Dreams book -- Is what I'm doing in my own best interests? Sometimes, relaxation and sliding your mind into a lower gear is in your best interests, yes. But at other times, it isn't. Ask the question, and see what comes up.
Someone told me one time there's a difference between hunger and appetite. Sometimes when I'm bored, I crave something from the vending machine. But that's not hunger, that's appetite. I have to ask myself, at those times, What do I really want? Am I willing to pay the price for eating those M&Ms? Or do I weigh what I want to weigh right now? Is this choice in my best interests?
Someone told me one time there's a difference between hunger and appetite. Sometimes when I'm bored, I crave something from the vending machine. But that's not hunger, that's appetite. I have to ask myself, at those times, What do I really want? Am I willing to pay the price for eating those M&Ms? Or do I weigh what I want to weigh right now? Is this choice in my best interests?
July 18, 2011 at 1:16 |
Mike Brown
Mike Brown
So many bright, thoughtful people on this site... thanks!
<<"Is this what I really want to be doing?" >>
As previously discussed, I think I need to find a way to incorporate the asking into my life.
<<"Is this what I really want to be doing?" >>
As previously discussed, I think I need to find a way to incorporate the asking into my life.
July 18, 2011 at 1:58 |
avrum
avrum
I recently completed an exercise in identifying values that I strongly identify with. Things like courage, community, calm. The ones I picked as strongest are those I feel strongly about I do not necessarily feel I do them well. I feel they pertain (or should) particularly to me. Probably some I feel strongly because they are areas I want to improve.
Since then I find it helpful to ask "does what I'm doing reflect my deepest values?". Web surfing often doesn't unless it's a momentary break or a directed search. for example. This reflection leads me to identify actions more in keeping with my ideals.
Since then I find it helpful to ask "does what I'm doing reflect my deepest values?". Web surfing often doesn't unless it's a momentary break or a directed search. for example. This reflection leads me to identify actions more in keeping with my ideals.
July 18, 2011 at 2:36 |
Alan Baljeu
Alan Baljeu
Hi Alan.
I've engaged in enough self-help, and practical FLOW experiences, to know that creativity, adventure, and spirituality are values I hold dear. And so... it's 10:50PM, I just got home from shopping, and I can:
a. watch a movie with my wife (family)
b. go for a walk (exercise)
c. meditate (spirit)
d. Go to markforster.net
etc., etc
I choose d. Was I pulled... lazy? I'm tired, and don't feel like engaging in anything to strenuous - mental or physical. On the other hand, well principled folks don't let fatigue get in the way.
My initial thinking is that this process is complex, and I wonder if there is mechanisms which can aid the PULL process.
But PULL brought me here
I've engaged in enough self-help, and practical FLOW experiences, to know that creativity, adventure, and spirituality are values I hold dear. And so... it's 10:50PM, I just got home from shopping, and I can:
a. watch a movie with my wife (family)
b. go for a walk (exercise)
c. meditate (spirit)
d. Go to markforster.net
etc., etc
I choose d. Was I pulled... lazy? I'm tired, and don't feel like engaging in anything to strenuous - mental or physical. On the other hand, well principled folks don't let fatigue get in the way.
My initial thinking is that this process is complex, and I wonder if there is mechanisms which can aid the PULL process.
But PULL brought me here
July 18, 2011 at 3:55 |
avrum
avrum
silviastraka:
<avoid some bad feeling>
Your motivation is set up in avoidance mode. I believe that creating the feeling you want is a better approach. You cannot get rid of something, you can only grow to a higher perspective, develop a new habit, evolve a part of you. In Mark's system you would need to have a vision (short term goal) of feeling good. You ALSO need to fully acknowledge and accept the unwanted feeling. You might just say it out loud: "I acknowldge this feeling of..."
<So how do I get out of that resistance and the stuckness it causes?>
It's the resistance to accepting it that holds it in place. There are a some NLP tools that might help: 1. Where are you holding the feeling in your body? 2. Where is it trying to move to? 3. What colour and texture does it have? 4. What happens if you try and spin it in the opposite direction?
<PULL mode won't work unless I'm willing to do the hard work of the dialogue>
Maybe not. Simplify things. What would a compassionate and understanding friend advise you? That IS your future self. Maybe the unwanted feeling IS the opoortunity to be more compassionate to yourself.
<avoid some bad feeling>
Your motivation is set up in avoidance mode. I believe that creating the feeling you want is a better approach. You cannot get rid of something, you can only grow to a higher perspective, develop a new habit, evolve a part of you. In Mark's system you would need to have a vision (short term goal) of feeling good. You ALSO need to fully acknowledge and accept the unwanted feeling. You might just say it out loud: "I acknowldge this feeling of..."
<So how do I get out of that resistance and the stuckness it causes?>
It's the resistance to accepting it that holds it in place. There are a some NLP tools that might help: 1. Where are you holding the feeling in your body? 2. Where is it trying to move to? 3. What colour and texture does it have? 4. What happens if you try and spin it in the opposite direction?
<PULL mode won't work unless I'm willing to do the hard work of the dialogue>
Maybe not. Simplify things. What would a compassionate and understanding friend advise you? That IS your future self. Maybe the unwanted feeling IS the opoortunity to be more compassionate to yourself.
July 18, 2011 at 9:27 |
michael
michael
Arum: three answers present themselves:
1) there is another value you overlooked. Ensure your value list includes recovery time, etc.
2) the question is there as a guide. It doesn't always need a yes answer.
3) you chose wrong. Suggest choosing something else.
Pick one of the three.
1) there is another value you overlooked. Ensure your value list includes recovery time, etc.
2) the question is there as a guide. It doesn't always need a yes answer.
3) you chose wrong. Suggest choosing something else.
Pick one of the three.
July 18, 2011 at 12:31 |
Alan Baljeu
Alan Baljeu
avrum,
In regards to your need for a reminder to ask a question... would you believe that there is indeed an app for that? (Geez, there's an app for everything!)
I briefly looked into reQall ( www.reQall.com ) for location-based reminders. It also has a "EureQa!" feature where it sends you a daily notification. My old-ish phone doesn't support the location awareness so I didn't check it out fully. I also don't think its usable for any type of SF implementation. But it just might fit a different need. ;)
In regards to your need for a reminder to ask a question... would you believe that there is indeed an app for that? (Geez, there's an app for everything!)
I briefly looked into reQall ( www.reQall.com ) for location-based reminders. It also has a "EureQa!" feature where it sends you a daily notification. My old-ish phone doesn't support the location awareness so I didn't check it out fully. I also don't think its usable for any type of SF implementation. But it just might fit a different need. ;)
July 18, 2011 at 16:04 |
jFenter
jFenter
<<it sends you a daily notification.>>
There are quite a few alram apps that do this. My roommate had an app on his PC that would ping randomnly, reminding him to do two things:
1. breathe deeply for 1 mintue
2. become aware of what he is doing
I've checked for something similar on the iphone, but haven't found anything.
There are quite a few alram apps that do this. My roommate had an app on his PC that would ping randomnly, reminding him to do two things:
1. breathe deeply for 1 mintue
2. become aware of what he is doing
I've checked for something similar on the iphone, but haven't found anything.
July 18, 2011 at 16:35 |
avrum
avrum
Er, I may have found something with a random alarm:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/zazen-lite-zen-meditation/id386010310?mt=8#
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/zazen-lite-zen-meditation/id386010310?mt=8#
July 18, 2011 at 16:38 |
avrum
avrum
Ok, ok, I've found EXACTLY what I was looking for:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/magic-reminder/id442927328?mt=8&ls=1
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/magic-reminder/id442927328?mt=8&ls=1
July 18, 2011 at 19:54 |
avrum
avrum
If I take a moment to think about what is "important but not urgent," (i.e. as per S. Covey), it usually leads me to some activity that I can do now and put myself back on track.
July 18, 2011 at 22:57 |
STEVE
STEVE
An interesting way to phrase the question is this:
If I could have the next hour over again, would I do anything differently?
If I could have the next hour over again, would I do anything differently?
July 19, 2011 at 13:33 |
MartyH
MartyH
Thanks.