Discussion Forum > Paradoxical Future Visions
Michael:
these notions about obsessive pushing oneself to change and dissatisfaction with current status quo which in fact prevents real change are very well conceptualized in Paradoxical Theory of Change, which is one of fundamental concepts of one psychotherapy school (Gestalt therapy). In short, it says: "the more you try/push yourself to become somebody else based on your dissatisfaction with yourself, the more you stay in fact the same. The more you become yourself, the more you can change..." but google for more if you are interested.
these notions about obsessive pushing oneself to change and dissatisfaction with current status quo which in fact prevents real change are very well conceptualized in Paradoxical Theory of Change, which is one of fundamental concepts of one psychotherapy school (Gestalt therapy). In short, it says: "the more you try/push yourself to become somebody else based on your dissatisfaction with yourself, the more you stay in fact the same. The more you become yourself, the more you can change..." but google for more if you are interested.
September 27, 2011 at 17:31 |
Daneb
Daneb
This interests me very much! I have no psych training, but my limited experience with this sort of thing bodes well:
- my first experiment with AF as an agent of change was a paradoxically-worded item telling me to keep doing the habit I wanted to break (drinking loads of energy drinks). It worked wonderfully and stuck longer, with less effort, than other habit-breaking methods I've tried.
- I find paradoxical techniques very successful with my kids, especially when trying to get them to do something requiring self-discipline or staying power. Last night, my son was complaining moodily about a computer multimedia project and shot down all of my suggestions, so I finally told him that it sounded flat-out impossible. He spent the next 90 minutes working without a peep and completed a rough copy.
- many activities I enjoy (guitar playing, exercise, etc.) have quickly lost appeal as soon as I've adopted thoughtfully designed routines to develop them. Yet, I have made great strides in these things by keeping specific goals without any fixed routine or approach. E.g., I want to play and sing a certain song, so I just pick up the guitar whenever and work effortlessly on whatever draws my attention. However, even those sessions can become casualties of a busy schedule. Perhaps paradoxical tasks/goals would help.
Instinct tells me that an entire list of paradoxical items would have a numbing effect, so it is a tool to use sparingly.
- my first experiment with AF as an agent of change was a paradoxically-worded item telling me to keep doing the habit I wanted to break (drinking loads of energy drinks). It worked wonderfully and stuck longer, with less effort, than other habit-breaking methods I've tried.
- I find paradoxical techniques very successful with my kids, especially when trying to get them to do something requiring self-discipline or staying power. Last night, my son was complaining moodily about a computer multimedia project and shot down all of my suggestions, so I finally told him that it sounded flat-out impossible. He spent the next 90 minutes working without a peep and completed a rough copy.
- many activities I enjoy (guitar playing, exercise, etc.) have quickly lost appeal as soon as I've adopted thoughtfully designed routines to develop them. Yet, I have made great strides in these things by keeping specific goals without any fixed routine or approach. E.g., I want to play and sing a certain song, so I just pick up the guitar whenever and work effortlessly on whatever draws my attention. However, even those sessions can become casualties of a busy schedule. Perhaps paradoxical tasks/goals would help.
Instinct tells me that an entire list of paradoxical items would have a numbing effect, so it is a tool to use sparingly.
September 27, 2011 at 19:12 |
Bernie
Bernie
I once was on the phone with a friend who was agonizing over whether to leave her job and enter graduate school. She had all sorts of reasons for and against both positions, and just when she sounded like she was leaning one way, she would reverse everything. But there was a deadline involved, and she needed to make a decision.
Finally, I suggested she flip a coin.
This, of course, got me nothing but laughter. But I insisted: "Trust me. Just flip the coin and see what it says. You don't necessarily have to abide by it."
She still did not like the idea, so I asked her why not: "Which outcome are you worried about? Which one are you secretly hoping for?" I don't remember whether she ever flipped the coin, but she did make her decision soon after and is now in favor of coin flips.
At the time, I thought of this phenomenon as "be careful what you wish for," but now I see it as another paradoxical technique.
Finally, I suggested she flip a coin.
This, of course, got me nothing but laughter. But I insisted: "Trust me. Just flip the coin and see what it says. You don't necessarily have to abide by it."
She still did not like the idea, so I asked her why not: "Which outcome are you worried about? Which one are you secretly hoping for?" I don't remember whether she ever flipped the coin, but she did make her decision soon after and is now in favor of coin flips.
At the time, I thought of this phenomenon as "be careful what you wish for," but now I see it as another paradoxical technique.
September 27, 2011 at 19:35 |
Bernie
Bernie
Coin flipping has been discussed here before. If you can't decide, flip a coin and go with what it says. Then if you're unhappy with the result, you know the other choice is the right one so proceed.
I've also heard tell of a person whose father said she'd never amount to anything, and so built her entire life around proving her father wrong. Reverse psychology in the extreme!
I've also heard tell of a person whose father said she'd never amount to anything, and so built her entire life around proving her father wrong. Reverse psychology in the extreme!
September 27, 2011 at 22:05 |
Alan Baljeu
Alan Baljeu
Alan:
Yes, I know a woman who built a successful personal development business in her sixties and her biggest motivation was all the people who told her should couldn't do it.
Yes, I know a woman who built a successful personal development business in her sixties and her biggest motivation was all the people who told her should couldn't do it.
September 28, 2011 at 0:16 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
So, in essence, my system...
1 I stay connected to my vision of how I want to experience today and how I want things to be - expecially the qualities I want rather than the specific form or circumstances - by writing WITH FEELING the vision
2 my "activities" (NOT "tasks" which sound like burdens to be) are to appreciate where it is already manifesting for me in some form or other (the "what's better" list, or "what I'm appreciating today" list )
3. use paradoxical visions or activities to reduce frustrations
4. take action according to what future self would do - based on what stands out - as the thing to do to ground the vision at this place and this moment
1 I stay connected to my vision of how I want to experience today and how I want things to be - expecially the qualities I want rather than the specific form or circumstances - by writing WITH FEELING the vision
2 my "activities" (NOT "tasks" which sound like burdens to be) are to appreciate where it is already manifesting for me in some form or other (the "what's better" list, or "what I'm appreciating today" list )
3. use paradoxical visions or activities to reduce frustrations
4. take action according to what future self would do - based on what stands out - as the thing to do to ground the vision at this place and this moment
September 28, 2011 at 14:37 |
michael
michael
In the Liaden books by Miller and Lee, one of the Liaden characters knowingly chose a course of action with the side-effect of hurting a close friend. Liadens have some interesting psychological conventions, probably because they take feuds very seriously and it's often best to avoid them. The Liaden asked his friend something like "how do you want us to be in 5 years?" They agreed they wanted to be good friends, and that, while neither denied that the hurt was real, they would agree it was unavoidable and bypass the bad feelings and recriminations.
September 29, 2011 at 16:04 |
Cricket
Cricket
Following an earlier post on paradoxical intentions I have tried experimenting with a paradoxical future vision (as in "Dreams" future vision exercises). Why? One issue with goals and future vision is attitude to them. If one becomes obsessed with what you don't have you forego present contentment by setting up a list of goals or actions that you have to have or do in order to be happy or feel ok or successful in the future. Then our happiness depends on our relationship to our desires. Your need for something else to make you happy will always cause you to perceive your present situation as just not good enough. So "success" is something that happens off in the future and "failure" and inadequcy is what replaces it in the present. So a paradoxical future vision might be: "my life is the same as always, I haven't taken any action to change anything and I'm the same person I've always been. Life has stayed the same as it was". The benefit comes in the response to that, and the comparison with the desire-filled future-vision. For me it brings a sense of relief so far, an unburdening from all that goal-directed activity to get somewhere.