Discussion Forum > Are you a real man if you don't follow a system?
Do real men need systems? The spirit of male bravado says that real men don't eat quiche, they eat steak. They like tough, rough, and anything that challenges them to go all out for success. In that mode of thinking, todo lists and time management are quiche and a sign of weakness. But clearly this was never your way of thinking and isn't what you are proposing here despite the subject line.
Yet a true trait of maturity (including manliness) is Seizing what's important and pursuing that with due focus, such as you advocate, is (i concur) . This Neither Prescribes nor Prohibits using a system but it may suggest limiting efforts on it as you suggest. For my own case, I have sometimes operated without a system, and the results were very mixed: great success in some areas and great malaise in others. Such can be okay sometimes for me, but I tend to think almost certainly not okay for you in your station.
Now to the final point, I think you are exactly right. Temporal life is too short to do everything to the fullest (I'm hoping afterlife offers us the chance to pursue the rest :-), and duty calls us to do select things more welly. Systems clearly matter to *my* success, so I persist with them. My personality needs them to evolve over time but at core they are just used to keep working.
My newest evolution happens to be about focusing on the core commitments and keeping those in order.
Yet a true trait of maturity (including manliness) is Seizing what's important and pursuing that with due focus, such as you advocate, is (i concur) . This Neither Prescribes nor Prohibits using a system but it may suggest limiting efforts on it as you suggest. For my own case, I have sometimes operated without a system, and the results were very mixed: great success in some areas and great malaise in others. Such can be okay sometimes for me, but I tend to think almost certainly not okay for you in your station.
Now to the final point, I think you are exactly right. Temporal life is too short to do everything to the fullest (I'm hoping afterlife offers us the chance to pursue the rest :-), and duty calls us to do select things more welly. Systems clearly matter to *my* success, so I persist with them. My personality needs them to evolve over time but at core they are just used to keep working.
My newest evolution happens to be about focusing on the core commitments and keeping those in order.
November 5, 2012 at 1:00 |
Alan Baljeu
Alan Baljeu
Real men can be counted on to do the important stuff. The system is just a tool. Sometimes a screw and screwdriver is the best way to hold two pieces of wood together. Sometimes a nail and hammer. Sometimes it really doesn't matter.
November 5, 2012 at 15:09 |
Cricket
Cricket
Seraphim,
Very insightful post from many angles I have argued for years, the system is not really the operator, you are. Even systems which "appear" to make decisions for you do not really, as you are working the system. I got into TM because of my personal journey to find something that worked for me and took into account my organizational needs. It seems you also found that liberating point where you abandon someone's "canned" system and focus on what works for you from where ever it may come. Of course the nugget if wisdom to audit one's commitments is a part of DIT Thanks for the post.
Gerry
Very insightful post from many angles I have argued for years, the system is not really the operator, you are. Even systems which "appear" to make decisions for you do not really, as you are working the system. I got into TM because of my personal journey to find something that worked for me and took into account my organizational needs. It seems you also found that liberating point where you abandon someone's "canned" system and focus on what works for you from where ever it may come. Of course the nugget if wisdom to audit one's commitments is a part of DIT Thanks for the post.
Gerry
November 5, 2012 at 16:38 |
Gerry
Gerry
Gerry wrote:
<< It seems you also found that liberating point where you abandon someone's "canned" system and focus on what works for you from where ever it may come >>
Yes, and it sure took me long enough, didn't it!! LOL I've been an active member here for more than 4 years, and trying to find solutions for myself for at least 10 years before that.
Thanks as always for your comments Gerry.
<< It seems you also found that liberating point where you abandon someone's "canned" system and focus on what works for you from where ever it may come >>
Yes, and it sure took me long enough, didn't it!! LOL I've been an active member here for more than 4 years, and trying to find solutions for myself for at least 10 years before that.
Thanks as always for your comments Gerry.
November 5, 2012 at 20:17 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
What Gerry said is absolutely true and I have been experimenting and adjusting various (time or life management) suggestions to personally suits me for a long time.
But, there is another perspective, which we should not omit. We are (or at least I am) personality who needs some kind of system, some kind of organizing things (for me mentally more than physically). I remember that cca 18 years ago, I tried to program my first database in FoxPro (database software) to organize all my notes. Later, when I worked in science, I lost more than a year trying to polish a perfect system organizing all bibliographic information, connecting with all my notes, my objections etc. It went even to the point that this focus drained my energy and started to be counterproductive. I had to cut it, and just force myself to do some "real, non-perfect-system work".
I am not obsessive-compulsive type, quite the contrary - I have may interests, tens of project in absolutely various areas and hobbies (from science to art to business to philosophy) and quite some achievements. I always perceived this inclination to "organize" (or to find a perfect system) as a polarity to my flexibility and creativity, something what had to hold everything together. (And of course, I am perfectionistic). Sometimes I am glad I have this tendency (and I am using it to gain overview and order in many things), sometimes I feel that it is too much and I should go back to "dirty work", to be more intuitive and stop trying to look too much for "ideal" system (which does not exist)... These are my 2 cents... to sum it up - I think we differ in personalities and some may need such systems/personalized rules more than others.
But, there is another perspective, which we should not omit. We are (or at least I am) personality who needs some kind of system, some kind of organizing things (for me mentally more than physically). I remember that cca 18 years ago, I tried to program my first database in FoxPro (database software) to organize all my notes. Later, when I worked in science, I lost more than a year trying to polish a perfect system organizing all bibliographic information, connecting with all my notes, my objections etc. It went even to the point that this focus drained my energy and started to be counterproductive. I had to cut it, and just force myself to do some "real, non-perfect-system work".
I am not obsessive-compulsive type, quite the contrary - I have may interests, tens of project in absolutely various areas and hobbies (from science to art to business to philosophy) and quite some achievements. I always perceived this inclination to "organize" (or to find a perfect system) as a polarity to my flexibility and creativity, something what had to hold everything together. (And of course, I am perfectionistic). Sometimes I am glad I have this tendency (and I am using it to gain overview and order in many things), sometimes I feel that it is too much and I should go back to "dirty work", to be more intuitive and stop trying to look too much for "ideal" system (which does not exist)... These are my 2 cents... to sum it up - I think we differ in personalities and some may need such systems/personalized rules more than others.
November 5, 2012 at 22:26 |
Daneb
Daneb
Seraphim:
<< I am never going to be a Mark Forster, nor would that be the best use of my time by any stretch. >>
I think I've come to the same conclusion - about myself I mean!
<< I am never going to be a Mark Forster, nor would that be the best use of my time by any stretch. >>
I think I've come to the same conclusion - about myself I mean!
November 7, 2012 at 15:18 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
LOL!
November 7, 2012 at 21:24 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
Even when I decided to stick to only ONE rule: Gerry's "write everything down in one place", I kept obsessing over the exceptions that I'd make to this rule, and thinking of the perfect size of pocket notebook I could carry so I could follow this one basic rule.
The other day, I suddenly realized that I had been doing this for years, and started asking Why. Why in the world does it matter whether I follow some rules or not?
Yes, of course, it's USEFUL to follow a consistent procedure, to develop some simple useful habits, so that the process of managing one's time and tasks becomes second nature and you don't have to think about it. Just getting into the habit of "opening the notebook" (the DIT book or the AF1 book or whatever) at the beginning of the day is really useful, helps get the day moving right from the start.
But why this obsession over "must follow the system!"?
I think part of me - perhaps a big part, even if not at a consciously intentional level - was trying to develop a single grand scheme for people like me who tend to WAY overcommit, perhaps something I could promote or sell. What a waste of time. Sure, I like exploring these ideas and systems, but I am never going to be a Mark Forster, nor would that be the best use of my time by any stretch. And another part of me felt like a failure if I wasn't sticking to a clear defined set of algorithms.
The thing that brought at this to the surface was the "audit your commitments" idea in DIT. I have been stewing over that for about a month, trying to pare things down, trying to watch myself more closely, not just my actual actions, but WHAT I AM THINKING while performing those actions.
While reading some very useful article by Scott Young ( http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/ ), I found myself not just reading the article and applying it to my own situation, but reading the article and trying to figure out how to integrate it into a grand scheme for managing underfocus and overwhelm.
Which led me to ask myself, "Do you really want to try to become some TM writer or blogger?"
Answer: If I could really make a great business at it, sure!
Question: Any real chance of that happening, with all your present commitments that are DEFINITELY higher priority?
Answer: No, absolutely not.
Question: Then maybe it's time to stop letting your fancy take you on these excursions, and just focus on your commitments? Keep reading if you want to, when you have a bit of time -- but stop trying to craft some mental picture of the perfect system while you do it.
Answer: Sounds good!
This has been very liberating, in general, because I find that MANY of the areas where I find myself overcommitted are similar in some way. I've been dabbling in so many areas, with the eventual back-of-the-mind goal of building something bigger off of these many dabblings. But that's just not real. I already have two or three major commitments that require 80-90% of my time, and THAT is where I need to focus, so I can make a much bigger impact and have a much bigger level of results-that-matter in those areas.
So now when I find myself mentally going off into building some new project, I cut myself off and say, "Is this on my list of commitments right now?" No, it's not. "So stop trying to add it to the list!"