Discussion Forum > M3 question - "out of sight, out of mind"
Serapim, depending how tech-dependent you are at home, could you have a reminder pop up after dinner "ask son re homework" and another reminder 2 or 3 times a week early evening "check weather & weather-proof things" I'm not sure how that would work if you're low-tech at home though. Maybe set up daily check-lists/ticker files and check them each evening?
February 26, 2013 at 21:06 |
Lillian
Lillian
Seraphim -
"Are there any "systems..."
I've been trying to incorporate an intention ritual for my major roles and/or goals. For example, every morning, I could write one intention for each of the roles (or goals) in my life:
Father: To bring more adventure into my daily activity with my toddler
Author: To not let resistance dictate how long I work on the draft
If I were to engage Jewish prayer, the morning service provides me with focal points to help guide my thinking and behaviors before the business of my day begins. I'm trying to MacGyver something similar, and use journaling to get my head straight.
"Are there any "systems..."
I've been trying to incorporate an intention ritual for my major roles and/or goals. For example, every morning, I could write one intention for each of the roles (or goals) in my life:
Father: To bring more adventure into my daily activity with my toddler
Author: To not let resistance dictate how long I work on the draft
If I were to engage Jewish prayer, the morning service provides me with focal points to help guide my thinking and behaviors before the business of my day begins. I'm trying to MacGyver something similar, and use journaling to get my head straight.
February 26, 2013 at 21:52 |
avrum
avrum
Seraphim:
<< Let's say I need to read over my son's math homework every day to see how he's coming along. But he is not giving it to me to look over! (He didn't finish it, or he is behind and doesn't want to tell me, etc.) And I've got lots of other pressing matters to think about, and it simply doesn't occur to me to ask him about it, unless I am prompted somehow. >>
Is this a real-life problem or just a hypothetical question? I ask because you said "Let's say..." as if it wasn't something you actually do. I can't imagine that if you look over your son's homework *every day* you'd forget about it. It would be a habit.
"Also, we occasionally get freezes here in the desert, and need to prepare for it (covering the trees, checking the pipes, etc.) or suffer the consequences. Happens maybe twice or thrice each winter. So, I need to keep an eye on the weather forecast, checking a few times each week, and make sure we prepare whenever it's expected to be freezing. I have forgotten to check the weather, and regretted it!! (pipes broken, trees dead, etc.) "
Simple. Ask your neighbour who never forgets to check his pipes even though he doesn't have a huge list to remind him.
<< Let's say I need to read over my son's math homework every day to see how he's coming along. But he is not giving it to me to look over! (He didn't finish it, or he is behind and doesn't want to tell me, etc.) And I've got lots of other pressing matters to think about, and it simply doesn't occur to me to ask him about it, unless I am prompted somehow. >>
Is this a real-life problem or just a hypothetical question? I ask because you said "Let's say..." as if it wasn't something you actually do. I can't imagine that if you look over your son's homework *every day* you'd forget about it. It would be a habit.
"Also, we occasionally get freezes here in the desert, and need to prepare for it (covering the trees, checking the pipes, etc.) or suffer the consequences. Happens maybe twice or thrice each winter. So, I need to keep an eye on the weather forecast, checking a few times each week, and make sure we prepare whenever it's expected to be freezing. I have forgotten to check the weather, and regretted it!! (pipes broken, trees dead, etc.) "
Simple. Ask your neighbour who never forgets to check his pipes even though he doesn't have a huge list to remind him.
February 26, 2013 at 23:29 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
Hi Mark,
Both of them are real scenarios.
The math homework is a problem because, while it should be every day or most days, our schedules don't mesh so well and there are many days when it doesn't work out. I'd be happy if we actually went over his math two or three times per week.
The pipes/trees are also a real problem - and neighbors also struggle with it! :-) I don't see my neighbors every day -- it's a rural area and people are spread out. It's easier to set a reminder than to ask my neighbors.
There are all kinds of things like this that I keep in DIT. I like the idea of your "M3" system but am having a hard time figuring out how to use something like that, without forgetting all the little details.
It seems if you organize your workspace so that all the things you need to check on a regular basis are right there in front of you -- email on the computer, paper mail in the in-basket, project files nearby in a file cabinet or on the shelf, stickies on the computer screen, etc. -- then you would be frequently reminded of those things, just by sitting in your workspace.
Both of them are real scenarios.
The math homework is a problem because, while it should be every day or most days, our schedules don't mesh so well and there are many days when it doesn't work out. I'd be happy if we actually went over his math two or three times per week.
The pipes/trees are also a real problem - and neighbors also struggle with it! :-) I don't see my neighbors every day -- it's a rural area and people are spread out. It's easier to set a reminder than to ask my neighbors.
There are all kinds of things like this that I keep in DIT. I like the idea of your "M3" system but am having a hard time figuring out how to use something like that, without forgetting all the little details.
It seems if you organize your workspace so that all the things you need to check on a regular basis are right there in front of you -- email on the computer, paper mail in the in-basket, project files nearby in a file cabinet or on the shelf, stickies on the computer screen, etc. -- then you would be frequently reminded of those things, just by sitting in your workspace.
February 27, 2013 at 0:42 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
Seraphim:
I guess my reply is "Use whatever works". If your present methods work for you, then carry on using them.
<< It seems if you organize your workspace so that all the things you need to check on a regular basis are right there in front of you -- email on the computer, paper mail in the in-basket, project files nearby in a file cabinet or on the shelf, stickies on the computer screen, etc. -- then you would be frequently reminded of those things, just by sitting in your workspace. >>
Yes, that's true, but don't forget that life itself has a habit of reminding you of things.
I guess my reply is "Use whatever works". If your present methods work for you, then carry on using them.
<< It seems if you organize your workspace so that all the things you need to check on a regular basis are right there in front of you -- email on the computer, paper mail in the in-basket, project files nearby in a file cabinet or on the shelf, stickies on the computer screen, etc. -- then you would be frequently reminded of those things, just by sitting in your workspace. >>
Yes, that's true, but don't forget that life itself has a habit of reminding you of things.
February 27, 2013 at 9:52 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
For math homework, make it a conditional routine. "If I can possibly squeeze in five minutes after supper, do so." It's not as good as every night after supper, but it's more consistent than "Sometime when our schedules mesh."
Tie new routines to old ones. When I'm done brushing my teeth, I will...
Do it even if not necessary, varying as little as possible. Create extra work if necessary to keep the routine.
We're supposed to sign our kids' school agendas (diaries, schedules) every night. The years they had teachers who also signed -- proving they'd seen that we'd seen it -- it was easy, regardless of the kid's age. We've had the mix. Young or old, it's easier if the loop is completed. The teacher who started the day by checking agendas while the kids read did a bit of extra work, and we never missed a note.
Now, though, we get a note maybe twice a month, and no feedback. There's no sense in us writing "R will be away Friday afternoon," because we doubt the teacher will see it, and vice versa.
When we started trusting her to tell us if there was something, and only checked when we remembered (in theory on the weekend, sometime), it slipped a lot.
"We have a light evening. Let's have fun first." You can guess what happened.
Tie new routines to old ones. When I'm done brushing my teeth, I will...
Do it even if not necessary, varying as little as possible. Create extra work if necessary to keep the routine.
We're supposed to sign our kids' school agendas (diaries, schedules) every night. The years they had teachers who also signed -- proving they'd seen that we'd seen it -- it was easy, regardless of the kid's age. We've had the mix. Young or old, it's easier if the loop is completed. The teacher who started the day by checking agendas while the kids read did a bit of extra work, and we never missed a note.
Now, though, we get a note maybe twice a month, and no feedback. There's no sense in us writing "R will be away Friday afternoon," because we doubt the teacher will see it, and vice versa.
When we started trusting her to tell us if there was something, and only checked when we remembered (in theory on the weekend, sometime), it slipped a lot.
"We have a light evening. Let's have fun first." You can guess what happened.
February 27, 2013 at 15:13 |
Cricket
Cricket
On point: http://tinyhabits.com/
March 1, 2013 at 19:47 |
Deven
Deven
Re.: Tiny Habits.
He's right. Epiphanies are only as good as the follow-through.
In my experience changing the context is more powerful than baby steps. I like baby steps, but all too often they aren't quite enough. They're a very good start, and help build momentum, but sometimes the context has to change. If you jog with a friend who always goes slower than your goal, you won't go faster. The context change doesn't have to be huge. Maybe warm up and cool down together, but do the distance separately, or run ahead and back a few times while she does the distance once. (Think walking a dog or young kid.) However, that will change the context. If part of the benefit and pleasure of jogging together is the conversation, you'll lose that.
He's right. Epiphanies are only as good as the follow-through.
In my experience changing the context is more powerful than baby steps. I like baby steps, but all too often they aren't quite enough. They're a very good start, and help build momentum, but sometimes the context has to change. If you jog with a friend who always goes slower than your goal, you won't go faster. The context change doesn't have to be huge. Maybe warm up and cool down together, but do the distance separately, or run ahead and back a few times while she does the distance once. (Think walking a dog or young kid.) However, that will change the context. If part of the benefit and pleasure of jogging together is the conversation, you'll lose that.
March 2, 2013 at 15:54 |
Cricket
Cricket
Mark - With your new "M3" method, how do you handle things that are "out of sight, out of mind"?
Let's say I need to read over my son's math homework every day to see how he's coming along. But he is not giving it to me to look over! (He didn't finish it, or he is behind and doesn't want to tell me, etc.) And I've got lots of other pressing matters to think about, and it simply doesn't occur to me to ask him about it, unless I am prompted somehow.
Also, we occasionally get freezes here in the desert, and need to prepare for it (covering the trees, checking the pipes, etc.) or suffer the consequences. Happens maybe twice or thrice each winter. So, I need to keep an eye on the weather forecast, checking a few times each week, and make sure we prepare whenever it's expected to be freezing. I have forgotten to check the weather, and regretted it!! (pipes broken, trees dead, etc.)
How would you handle those kinds of things?
Currently I handle most of these kinds of things with an entry in my DIT notebook. It gives me a systematic way of handling all these little reminders that would otherwise be "out of sight, out of mind".
I could put them into Outlook or on my iPhone as reminders, but then I'd have things popping up all the time and interrupting my day.
Perhaps one should think of one's reminders as a kind of "system" that one should design and maintain, in the spirit of DIT chapter 15, "Sorting Out Systems". In other words, do whatever works for your situation. And if that means a DIT book for reminders, then why not use a DIT book for reminders? Or if it means using Outlook and making liberal use of the "Snooze" button, then do that?
Are there any "systems" of this kind that you think would work best with your M3 system, and others that might conflict with it?
For example, I could see myself running into problems if I keep using my DIT book, because I'll treat it as a DIT system rather than a list of reminders. Outlook reminders might be better because they are out of sight until they rudely interrupt you.