Discussion Forum > Weekly / Daily Plan... suggestions?
Hi Marco
If you know about them before the beginning of the week, I'd suggest that you start them before the beginning of the week. If you don't know about them until Monday, there isn't much that you can do besides delegate them (if you have that authority or money to pay) or go into crunch mode. I hate leaving things to the last minutes. I've been working this system for a long time. I always leave myself much flexibility to avoid crunching out work at the last minute....also things could go against you if you wait too long without planning in possible contingencies and/or people or events that could foil your last minute plans. If somebody above you did this to you by passing it on to you at the last minute, join the crowd! It's lousy but we all get stuck like that sometimes.....and talking with them doesn't always have any effect except have them be even later if they are a higher ranking dyed in the wool S.O.B. LOL!
Bottom line: When you have the time and the control over your work, take advantage of it. Try not to shoot yourself in the foot by turning a normal job into last minute work.....enough other people might be doing that to you anyway.
Good Luck!
If you know about them before the beginning of the week, I'd suggest that you start them before the beginning of the week. If you don't know about them until Monday, there isn't much that you can do besides delegate them (if you have that authority or money to pay) or go into crunch mode. I hate leaving things to the last minutes. I've been working this system for a long time. I always leave myself much flexibility to avoid crunching out work at the last minute....also things could go against you if you wait too long without planning in possible contingencies and/or people or events that could foil your last minute plans. If somebody above you did this to you by passing it on to you at the last minute, join the crowd! It's lousy but we all get stuck like that sometimes.....and talking with them doesn't always have any effect except have them be even later if they are a higher ranking dyed in the wool S.O.B. LOL!
Bottom line: When you have the time and the control over your work, take advantage of it. Try not to shoot yourself in the foot by turning a normal job into last minute work.....enough other people might be doing that to you anyway.
Good Luck!
June 8, 2013 at 20:52 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
p.s.
If something comes in that's more important than what you already (flexibly) planned, of course, do it instead. Don't rely too heavily on your plan and don't plan too tightly unless you're comfortable with scheduling your work. I prefer to use flexibility to buffer my plans. If your job allows for that, it's much easier. If you plan tightly, don't get p.o.ed with a little O.T. once in awhile! LOL! I prefer some wiggle room in my plans. YVMV
If something comes in that's more important than what you already (flexibly) planned, of course, do it instead. Don't rely too heavily on your plan and don't plan too tightly unless you're comfortable with scheduling your work. I prefer to use flexibility to buffer my plans. If your job allows for that, it's much easier. If you plan tightly, don't get p.o.ed with a little O.T. once in awhile! LOL! I prefer some wiggle room in my plans. YVMV
June 8, 2013 at 21:01 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Marco, are they predictable things or unpredictable? If you know that data will arrive on Monday and you need to analyze and report on it during the week, then that's what you put in your list. "Analyze and report on data."
As far as unpredictable tasks, I agree with Learning. Get predictable stuff done early, so it's out of the way if something urgent and important comes up.
Some jobs have very erratic in-baskets. One day you spend the entire day triaging, another day you'll be bored.
Try guessing how long you'll spend on stuff that comes up. (Refer to your log if you have one.) Plan for a bit more than average.
If the amount varies widely, then plan enough time so that most days you'll get it all done. However, label the slot "New Business OR Flexible Project A". Most days you'll have a bit of time for Project A. Project A might need more time than that, but it's a start.
As far as unpredictable tasks, I agree with Learning. Get predictable stuff done early, so it's out of the way if something urgent and important comes up.
Some jobs have very erratic in-baskets. One day you spend the entire day triaging, another day you'll be bored.
Try guessing how long you'll spend on stuff that comes up. (Refer to your log if you have one.) Plan for a bit more than average.
If the amount varies widely, then plan enough time so that most days you'll get it all done. However, label the slot "New Business OR Flexible Project A". Most days you'll have a bit of time for Project A. Project A might need more time than that, but it's a start.
June 8, 2013 at 22:29 |
Cricket
Cricket
I've been pondering a similar question.
(1) I have gotten back to the GTD practice of processing all my new incoming work, and identifying the "next action", then putting that item on a "next action" list.
(2) I then bang through the list and keep working till I decide I want a break
(3) Often, my favorite break is to go back to my inbox and process whatever is there, and add it to my "next action" list.
I've found a problem with this approach. The "next action" list turns into an "open list", with all of the problems that "open lists" have - never completed, grow without end, not sure how to prioritize, etc. Closed lists are so much easier to deal with -- just bang through them in any order and get it all done.
So, I have been trying to think how to turn my "next actions" list into a "closed list". Here is what I have come up with:
(1) Spend as much time as I want going through my inboxes, gather new work, process it, and identify specific next actions (GTD-style). Put next actions on the "Next Action" list.
(2) Spend as much time as I want looking through project files, figure out what the next actions are, and put those on the "Next Action" list.
(3) Complete ALL of the items on the "Next Action" list.
Here is how this method can "flex" to suit different situations:
(A) If I am really busy, with lots of meetings and only a bit of discretionary time during the say, or working with several fast-moving projects, I would spend only a short time on steps (1) and (2), only partially processing my inbox and my projects, or focusing only on one or two key projects at a time. I'd gather up a few Next Actions, bang through them, and then go back and scan some more. Maybe there'd be six or seven scans every day or more.
(B) If I have larger blocks of discretionary time, and things aren't moving as fast, I can be more thorough and take more time to clear out my inbox and review my projects, gather up a longer list of Next Actions, and spend most of my day working through them. Maybe I'd have only one or two scans on days like that.
(C) If I start out thinking it will be a day like (B), but something urgent comes up, that's fine, I can adjust as needed. If someone needs something really urgently, they will send me an instant message or a text or call me or stop by -- in other words, they will interrupt my day, and bring the urgent thing to my attention without me needing to find it in my inbox. When that happens, I can just put my Next Action processing on hold, deal with the urgent thing, and when that's done, decide what to do: go back to my Next Actions list and just pick up where I left off, or do a scan of my inbox and projects again to see if anything has changed, maybe add some new Next Actions to my list, and then continue. In this latter case, I will have broken my "Closed List" rule, but that's OK, I am not trying to find a new rule to follow, I am trying to apply effective principles as often as they make sense for my situation.
I am not proposing this as a "system", since I have only just been pondering it and thinking through the mechanics of it, to see if I might give it a try. But since you asked for ideas, I thought I'd share it. :-)
(1) I have gotten back to the GTD practice of processing all my new incoming work, and identifying the "next action", then putting that item on a "next action" list.
(2) I then bang through the list and keep working till I decide I want a break
(3) Often, my favorite break is to go back to my inbox and process whatever is there, and add it to my "next action" list.
I've found a problem with this approach. The "next action" list turns into an "open list", with all of the problems that "open lists" have - never completed, grow without end, not sure how to prioritize, etc. Closed lists are so much easier to deal with -- just bang through them in any order and get it all done.
So, I have been trying to think how to turn my "next actions" list into a "closed list". Here is what I have come up with:
(1) Spend as much time as I want going through my inboxes, gather new work, process it, and identify specific next actions (GTD-style). Put next actions on the "Next Action" list.
(2) Spend as much time as I want looking through project files, figure out what the next actions are, and put those on the "Next Action" list.
(3) Complete ALL of the items on the "Next Action" list.
Here is how this method can "flex" to suit different situations:
(A) If I am really busy, with lots of meetings and only a bit of discretionary time during the say, or working with several fast-moving projects, I would spend only a short time on steps (1) and (2), only partially processing my inbox and my projects, or focusing only on one or two key projects at a time. I'd gather up a few Next Actions, bang through them, and then go back and scan some more. Maybe there'd be six or seven scans every day or more.
(B) If I have larger blocks of discretionary time, and things aren't moving as fast, I can be more thorough and take more time to clear out my inbox and review my projects, gather up a longer list of Next Actions, and spend most of my day working through them. Maybe I'd have only one or two scans on days like that.
(C) If I start out thinking it will be a day like (B), but something urgent comes up, that's fine, I can adjust as needed. If someone needs something really urgently, they will send me an instant message or a text or call me or stop by -- in other words, they will interrupt my day, and bring the urgent thing to my attention without me needing to find it in my inbox. When that happens, I can just put my Next Action processing on hold, deal with the urgent thing, and when that's done, decide what to do: go back to my Next Actions list and just pick up where I left off, or do a scan of my inbox and projects again to see if anything has changed, maybe add some new Next Actions to my list, and then continue. In this latter case, I will have broken my "Closed List" rule, but that's OK, I am not trying to find a new rule to follow, I am trying to apply effective principles as often as they make sense for my situation.
I am not proposing this as a "system", since I have only just been pondering it and thinking through the mechanics of it, to see if I might give it a try. But since you asked for ideas, I thought I'd share it. :-)
June 9, 2013 at 1:59 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
Marco,
I use tickler list for such tasks. Tickler list = simple calendar for tasks (in txt, paper, TM software, anywhere). I open tickler list daily in the morning, review tasks scheduled for today and decide with each task - is it enough time for postponing, should I move it for tomorrow tickler, should I do it today, change it or delete...?
When I have task which is due early next week and I know it will take me longer to do, I put it into tickler list to show several days before, enough to be sure that this task will be started or managed. I put "due" on the task, e.g. "DUE Tue 11/6 send report back". With simple tasks which I know I can master at day D, I put them on tickler file for that day.
I use tickler list for such tasks. Tickler list = simple calendar for tasks (in txt, paper, TM software, anywhere). I open tickler list daily in the morning, review tasks scheduled for today and decide with each task - is it enough time for postponing, should I move it for tomorrow tickler, should I do it today, change it or delete...?
When I have task which is due early next week and I know it will take me longer to do, I put it into tickler list to show several days before, enough to be sure that this task will be started or managed. I put "due" on the task, e.g. "DUE Tue 11/6 send report back". With simple tasks which I know I can master at day D, I put them on tickler file for that day.
June 9, 2013 at 20:17 |
Daneb
Daneb
Marco, I think learning is right. Get a head start whenever you can.
When I first started college, I was terrified I would fail if I didn't have good study habits. Every time I got a new big assignment, I got started on it right away. I was always done well ahead of time and never had any study-related stress. I quit doing this because I stopped being terrified. Too bad! :-)
When I first started college, I was terrified I would fail if I didn't have good study habits. Every time I got a new big assignment, I got started on it right away. I was always done well ahead of time and never had any study-related stress. I quit doing this because I stopped being terrified. Too bad! :-)
June 10, 2013 at 2:59 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
Hi Mel
Good to see you again! We had a saying at the university. "Don't clean now. Your place will get immaculate during exam week." We didn't know that it was structured procrastination. We just knew that everybody did it! LOL!
Good to see you again! We had a saying at the university. "Don't clean now. Your place will get immaculate during exam week." We didn't know that it was structured procrastination. We just knew that everybody did it! LOL!
June 10, 2013 at 3:55 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Funny! I don't think I did that much. I was more motivated to clean when my mom was visiting. :-) I'm still more motivated by social pressure than anything. Weak, but at least I know that's how I am!
June 10, 2013 at 4:22 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
Hi Melanie
Although I usually keep my place clean because it's easier for me to live in order, sometimes the reason is pure brain washing. When I was growing up we had weekly inspections. My dad would say something like "It looks like a flop house." or "It looks like a pack of baboons have taken up residence here." I don't want to associate myself with being a hobo or a flea bitten baboon. LOL! But most compelling reason is that my dad tossed out everything in my room except my furniture, clothes, instruments and books because I failed inspection. The only good part was that he gave it all to charity rather than toss it into the local dump. LOL! (I didn't really think that he meant it. He did! LOL)
Although I usually keep my place clean because it's easier for me to live in order, sometimes the reason is pure brain washing. When I was growing up we had weekly inspections. My dad would say something like "It looks like a flop house." or "It looks like a pack of baboons have taken up residence here." I don't want to associate myself with being a hobo or a flea bitten baboon. LOL! But most compelling reason is that my dad tossed out everything in my room except my furniture, clothes, instruments and books because I failed inspection. The only good part was that he gave it all to charity rather than toss it into the local dump. LOL! (I didn't really think that he meant it. He did! LOL)
June 10, 2013 at 11:18 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
@Learning, eek! My daughter's room is such a sty. I can't bring myself to terrify her with the threat of giving everything away though. She thanked me for helping me clean her room. I just have to be on top of it every day. She's like an artistic hurricane!
June 10, 2013 at 20:23 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
Hi Melanie
Nothing was strewn on the bed, floor, etc. In fact I thought I ( barely) passed inspection because I didn't get any licks. (A lick for each thing out of place.) It was stuff on my dressers, stuffed animals placed in places on my bed, little pretty trinkets, shelves, cutely placed like girls do. I had clothes neatly on hooks outside my closet door, etc....EVERYTHING that wasn't in drawers except my musical instruments in their cases and my sheet music (We had a music room but we were allowed to keep instruments in our rooms for practicing.) and books on the book selves were TOSSED. Dad made it totally austere. It was almost as bare as doing time in solitary confinement! (I'm exaggerating but as a little girl it really seemed like that.) The only girly things left in the room was the bedspread, shams and curtains. All that stuff was out for me to "see" as decor. Nope! Dad thought it was misplaced stuff that belonged in drawers or organized on shelves! He did tell me to keep my collections neatly on the shelves. I thought it was only a decorating suggestion. LOL! I got really good at keeping my stuff culled. That way I was choosing what to toss! LOL!
Nothing was strewn on the bed, floor, etc. In fact I thought I ( barely) passed inspection because I didn't get any licks. (A lick for each thing out of place.) It was stuff on my dressers, stuffed animals placed in places on my bed, little pretty trinkets, shelves, cutely placed like girls do. I had clothes neatly on hooks outside my closet door, etc....EVERYTHING that wasn't in drawers except my musical instruments in their cases and my sheet music (We had a music room but we were allowed to keep instruments in our rooms for practicing.) and books on the book selves were TOSSED. Dad made it totally austere. It was almost as bare as doing time in solitary confinement! (I'm exaggerating but as a little girl it really seemed like that.) The only girly things left in the room was the bedspread, shams and curtains. All that stuff was out for me to "see" as decor. Nope! Dad thought it was misplaced stuff that belonged in drawers or organized on shelves! He did tell me to keep my collections neatly on the shelves. I thought it was only a decorating suggestion. LOL! I got really good at keeping my stuff culled. That way I was choosing what to toss! LOL!
June 10, 2013 at 21:06 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Learning, that had to be tough. My daughter would not have done well with that kind of austerity. LOL
June 12, 2013 at 15:25 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
I don't know what my daughter would do if we tried that, but it would be traumatic. There are bigger issues. She had Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome Type 1 two years ago, which resolved within a few months, but it was scary at the time, and shows how strong-willed she is. Yes, we have a psychologist on board and tested her for all sorts of things. No officially recognized pattern, but enough points here and there that we're keeping the psychologist on board. She's a great kid and does well in school, choir and karate, but her moodiness and cognitive inflexibility even now at age 12 don't bode well for family harmony for the next several years.
I'm terrified to throw her stuff out because it's bad enough when she loses something all by herself. (She threw a fit last week because the toothbrush was still dry and she has no idea why.) I want to be able to say "I never throw your stuff out without permission." Putting things in a box for 6 months and then tossing doesn't work because she won't put anything in it if we don't promise to tell her before we toss it, and then when the time is up she opens the box and falls in love with everything all over again. Believe it or not, we find a few nights in a row of clearing out a big pile works best. As the "keep" box gets fuller, she's more able to let other things go. I don't have the patience, and Daddy's schedule is hectic. Fingers crossed for the summer.
I'm terrified to throw her stuff out because it's bad enough when she loses something all by herself. (She threw a fit last week because the toothbrush was still dry and she has no idea why.) I want to be able to say "I never throw your stuff out without permission." Putting things in a box for 6 months and then tossing doesn't work because she won't put anything in it if we don't promise to tell her before we toss it, and then when the time is up she opens the box and falls in love with everything all over again. Believe it or not, we find a few nights in a row of clearing out a big pile works best. As the "keep" box gets fuller, she's more able to let other things go. I don't have the patience, and Daddy's schedule is hectic. Fingers crossed for the summer.
June 12, 2013 at 16:23 |
Cricket
Cricket
Note: Wikipedia and most CRPS sites are written by the people who weren't lucky enough to live near Sick Kids hospital. They said she'd walk normally within three months, and were right. She got her next karate belt three months after that. We think bullying at school, including by several teachers who thought they were doing the right thing, was one of the causes.
June 12, 2013 at 16:37 |
Cricket
Cricket
It's funny how different circumstances bring out different behaviours in the same person. My younger daughter's room was always in complete chaos when she was living at home, but when she was working during the university vacations she had jobs as an office cleaner and as a hotel chambermaid, and she was reckoned to be one of the best they had ever had.
June 12, 2013 at 16:38 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
I finally started making my bed when I lived in a small dorm room and needed to spread out homework, but reverted when I returned home for work terms. It finally stuck when I lived by the lake. The bed was much more comfortable when the sheets were smooth. Now I find the room feels calmer with it made -- just like Grandma often said. It's also easy to do first thing -- just like Mom often said. I only make the kids' beds when we need room to spread things out. It's the only clear surface in their rooms. Sigh.
Mom finally got Dad to put his clothes in the hamper every night by putting a basket in his closet, right where he dropped them every night.
Mom finally got Dad to put his clothes in the hamper every night by putting a basket in his closet, right where he dropped them every night.
June 12, 2013 at 19:14 |
Cricket
Cricket
Hi Cricket
I'm so glad that your child recovered. With respect to the dry toothbrush, I can relate. I have lists everywhere. I always was automatic with habits, but with my brain damage it's hard to remember. I'll to to brush my teeth and it's wet or I go to take a shower and the tiles are wet, etc. Even though I know I can't help it, it' quite unnerving each and every time since 2001. I write down what I wear, mark off eating. I lost 6 pounds this week because I was recovering and forgot to check my meals off. I thought I was doing good to check off the meds. LOL! I have a chart when I let my dog out. When I have appointments, I have multiple copies of it written down in the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen in case I forget in the space I left the room! LOL! I remember the past very well but if I'm not cued I have a tough time living in the present.
Please go easy on her. If she's anything like me the confusion sometimes turns into frustration and self-hated because I can't trust my own brain. Would a couple of charts help her to keep her routines going? My lists help me tremendously. I try to do things without them but it's a losing game. It's hard to remember something if my brain is blank! LOL! Outside cuing is a lifesaver.
I hope your girl keeps improving so she can feel ok trusting herself.
I'm so glad that your child recovered. With respect to the dry toothbrush, I can relate. I have lists everywhere. I always was automatic with habits, but with my brain damage it's hard to remember. I'll to to brush my teeth and it's wet or I go to take a shower and the tiles are wet, etc. Even though I know I can't help it, it' quite unnerving each and every time since 2001. I write down what I wear, mark off eating. I lost 6 pounds this week because I was recovering and forgot to check my meals off. I thought I was doing good to check off the meds. LOL! I have a chart when I let my dog out. When I have appointments, I have multiple copies of it written down in the bedroom, bathroom and kitchen in case I forget in the space I left the room! LOL! I remember the past very well but if I'm not cued I have a tough time living in the present.
Please go easy on her. If she's anything like me the confusion sometimes turns into frustration and self-hated because I can't trust my own brain. Would a couple of charts help her to keep her routines going? My lists help me tremendously. I try to do things without them but it's a losing game. It's hard to remember something if my brain is blank! LOL! Outside cuing is a lifesaver.
I hope your girl keeps improving so she can feel ok trusting herself.
June 16, 2013 at 5:49 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Hi Mark
LOL about your daughter. One of my sisters and I are the only neat siblings. Dad's philosophy backfired with the rest. They are total slobs and not responsible. They rely on others to keep reminding them to keep pace with living a decent life. I'd hate to have to spend my life looking after another adult. LOL!
LOL about your daughter. One of my sisters and I are the only neat siblings. Dad's philosophy backfired with the rest. They are total slobs and not responsible. They rely on others to keep reminding them to keep pace with living a decent life. I'd hate to have to spend my life looking after another adult. LOL!
June 16, 2013 at 5:52 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Hi Mel
It did bother me only because I sincerely believed everything was nicely arranged. I think the only reason I didn't get any licks was because it was obvious that everything was clean and orderly. I had no idea that I was supposed to cull the overage (None of it was overage to me.) or not have ANYTHING OUT to look at! LOL! I think he felt bad because he never did it again or I learned what he wanted. The good side: Many future inspections were automatically passed because I had nothing to put out of place. LOL!
It did bother me only because I sincerely believed everything was nicely arranged. I think the only reason I didn't get any licks was because it was obvious that everything was clean and orderly. I had no idea that I was supposed to cull the overage (None of it was overage to me.) or not have ANYTHING OUT to look at! LOL! I think he felt bad because he never did it again or I learned what he wanted. The good side: Many future inspections were automatically passed because I had nothing to put out of place. LOL!
June 16, 2013 at 5:57 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Mark, that IS funny. I can absolutely see that being the case for me. I was very slobby as a child and a young adult, but I really love to clean and organize. It's just that I prefer not to do it as a routine. I DO clean and organize as a routine, but my favorite thing to do is tackle a big mess as a project. Cleaning day-to-day is boring.
June 16, 2013 at 19:06 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
Learning, I think it would bother most people. What I love is you are so understanding and forgiving. Lately as I've battled health problems, I've asked myself, "What would Learning do?" Just wanted you to know you're an inspiration.
June 16, 2013 at 19:08 |
Melanie Wilson
Melanie Wilson
Hi Mel
LOL about "what would learning do?" Naa, I think your judgement is probably better than mind.
re forgiving Dad. That was ALWAYS easy to do because I sincerely believed that he loved me and I only got punished as a learning tool. (Even when he was clearly wrong). He was sincere. He wanted me to grow into happy and productive citizen. I got far worse beatings elsewhere where I did no wrong at all except be me. Those I resent to this day not only because I didn't do anything to deserve them, but the sadistic intent to make me feel like I was worse than worthless. They were beating the evil out of me........I never got an apology, ever! Thank God Dad never knew. I was too afraid and ashamed to tell him. Nowadays kids have more options than to silently take abuse and forced to take upon themselves to hide the evidence of the physical assaults. They got way more understanding and kindness from me than they ever deserved....but even cruel people are fellow human beings. I used to get over it by saying to myself "I'd rather be hated than be cruel." LOL!
When somebody loves you it's easy to forgive mistakes. When somebody is malicious and sadistic and hates you, it's hard to give credit when they are kind.
Bottom Line: I took the love with the hate like everybody else. I found out early in life that if I focus on the good and the love, it made me easier to feel relative gratitudes. I still play that game in my head. LOL! Of course it doesn't work for every minute of the day but it helps tremendously for my overall assessment of my life. Gratitudes go a long way to cancel out negatives...overall. (I get po'd like everybody else. LOL!)
Mel, you are a very kind person. Thank you.
LOL about "what would learning do?" Naa, I think your judgement is probably better than mind.
re forgiving Dad. That was ALWAYS easy to do because I sincerely believed that he loved me and I only got punished as a learning tool. (Even when he was clearly wrong). He was sincere. He wanted me to grow into happy and productive citizen. I got far worse beatings elsewhere where I did no wrong at all except be me. Those I resent to this day not only because I didn't do anything to deserve them, but the sadistic intent to make me feel like I was worse than worthless. They were beating the evil out of me........I never got an apology, ever! Thank God Dad never knew. I was too afraid and ashamed to tell him. Nowadays kids have more options than to silently take abuse and forced to take upon themselves to hide the evidence of the physical assaults. They got way more understanding and kindness from me than they ever deserved....but even cruel people are fellow human beings. I used to get over it by saying to myself "I'd rather be hated than be cruel." LOL!
When somebody loves you it's easy to forgive mistakes. When somebody is malicious and sadistic and hates you, it's hard to give credit when they are kind.
Bottom Line: I took the love with the hate like everybody else. I found out early in life that if I focus on the good and the love, it made me easier to feel relative gratitudes. I still play that game in my head. LOL! Of course it doesn't work for every minute of the day but it helps tremendously for my overall assessment of my life. Gratitudes go a long way to cancel out negatives...overall. (I get po'd like everybody else. LOL!)
Mel, you are a very kind person. Thank you.
June 16, 2013 at 20:44 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Learning, it will be much easier when she matures enough to accept that it's okay to need reminders and relaxes when the universe doesn't match her memory. Instead, she gets defensive, and often tries to turn it into a fight. Yes, part of it might be that she sees "perfection" or "self-hate" as the only two options, whereas I see it as "accept you need the tools and use them" vs "set yourself up for failure".
When I suggest charts, she gets even more defensive. "I"m not like other people, Mom. I don't need them. They'll actually make it worse!"
It's very frustrating for me, since I don't remember a time when I didn't use calendars, notes, and lists. Using them was smart; not using them a recipe for failure. My parents made it easy to use them. I saw the results of not using them everywhere else. (Mom probably remembers times I didn't use them and suffered myself. People kept giving me responsibility, though, so I couldn't have let them down too often.)
I was lucky enough to hear of experiments about false memories early. They're easy to create. After a the move, I could picture the colour of the towel I wrapped my jewellery case (with Grandma's rubies) in before putting it in a cardboard box, but it was gone. A week later, we found it wrapped in my husband's sweater, with his winter clothes, in a milk crate, safe and sound.
Yes, it's scary not trusting our own memory, but the rational thing to do is accept the possibility. (Rational does not mean easy.) Fighting (I put my keys here) makes the false memory stronger and doesn't solve the problem. Accepting the memory might be wrong allows us to move on to other possibilities (maybe I put them somewhere else, I will go look).
You are an inspiration. You accept reality and use the tools you need to in order to get things done, including keeping legal records most people never have to deal with, rather than clinging to the idea that good people don't need the tools.
When I suggest charts, she gets even more defensive. "I"m not like other people, Mom. I don't need them. They'll actually make it worse!"
It's very frustrating for me, since I don't remember a time when I didn't use calendars, notes, and lists. Using them was smart; not using them a recipe for failure. My parents made it easy to use them. I saw the results of not using them everywhere else. (Mom probably remembers times I didn't use them and suffered myself. People kept giving me responsibility, though, so I couldn't have let them down too often.)
I was lucky enough to hear of experiments about false memories early. They're easy to create. After a the move, I could picture the colour of the towel I wrapped my jewellery case (with Grandma's rubies) in before putting it in a cardboard box, but it was gone. A week later, we found it wrapped in my husband's sweater, with his winter clothes, in a milk crate, safe and sound.
Yes, it's scary not trusting our own memory, but the rational thing to do is accept the possibility. (Rational does not mean easy.) Fighting (I put my keys here) makes the false memory stronger and doesn't solve the problem. Accepting the memory might be wrong allows us to move on to other possibilities (maybe I put them somewhere else, I will go look).
You are an inspiration. You accept reality and use the tools you need to in order to get things done, including keeping legal records most people never have to deal with, rather than clinging to the idea that good people don't need the tools.
June 16, 2013 at 22:22 |
Cricket
Cricket
Hi Cricket
Perhaps your daughter gets defensive because the fear is that great. Don't use me as a good example. I use my lists but sometimes I do things on decades of habit.....but....when I forget that I just ate breakfast, bushed my teeth and took a shower, it's SCARY AS HELL for those few moments. "What else did I forget?" Then I go running to the dog's chart to make sure she was fed and relieved. Then I check the stove burners, all the faucets, etc just to make sure that I'm safe. (Yes, I've found the stove with the burner going full flame. Now I put another tin on top. My new routine is to take of the tin and light the stove. Cook NEVER EVER LEAVE THE KITCHEN while something is cooking unless it's slow cook. SET TWO ALARMS and put put up some signage. LOL!) As soon as the pan goes off the burner, I replace the tin so that I can glance and see that I'm safe. LOL!) I never EVER run water unless I'm right there, etc.
Cricket, bottom line: It's scary as hell not only what you find out I've forgotten.....but...what else
have I forgotten. Sometimes it just puts me into a frustrating rage....because I never feel quite safe. Maybe your daughter feels that fear. Since she's young, she might think denying it will make it go away. I still do that sometimes. *blush*
Maybe tell her about Alert Einstein. He wore the same outfit (fresh ones) each day so that he didn't have to decide on clothing. He wrote his telephone number and put it in his wallet.
Albert Einstein - "Paper is to write things down that we need to remember. Our brains are used to think."
If he takes measures to make up for forgetfulness, there's no shame. (If only I could remember this every time my mind fails me. LOL)
If she's stubborn, I'd avoid pressing her too much about it. You'll intuit how to help her. If it's at all like I feel, it's naked fear and total frustration. It's not easy for your girl to accept that she can't control or will certain things. I'm still trying to hammer that into my head.
I hope things get better for her relatively soon. It sometimes can be hell living in a brain like that. *blush*
Perhaps your daughter gets defensive because the fear is that great. Don't use me as a good example. I use my lists but sometimes I do things on decades of habit.....but....when I forget that I just ate breakfast, bushed my teeth and took a shower, it's SCARY AS HELL for those few moments. "What else did I forget?" Then I go running to the dog's chart to make sure she was fed and relieved. Then I check the stove burners, all the faucets, etc just to make sure that I'm safe. (Yes, I've found the stove with the burner going full flame. Now I put another tin on top. My new routine is to take of the tin and light the stove. Cook NEVER EVER LEAVE THE KITCHEN while something is cooking unless it's slow cook. SET TWO ALARMS and put put up some signage. LOL!) As soon as the pan goes off the burner, I replace the tin so that I can glance and see that I'm safe. LOL!) I never EVER run water unless I'm right there, etc.
Cricket, bottom line: It's scary as hell not only what you find out I've forgotten.....but...what else
have I forgotten. Sometimes it just puts me into a frustrating rage....because I never feel quite safe. Maybe your daughter feels that fear. Since she's young, she might think denying it will make it go away. I still do that sometimes. *blush*
Maybe tell her about Alert Einstein. He wore the same outfit (fresh ones) each day so that he didn't have to decide on clothing. He wrote his telephone number and put it in his wallet.
Albert Einstein - "Paper is to write things down that we need to remember. Our brains are used to think."
If he takes measures to make up for forgetfulness, there's no shame. (If only I could remember this every time my mind fails me. LOL)
If she's stubborn, I'd avoid pressing her too much about it. You'll intuit how to help her. If it's at all like I feel, it's naked fear and total frustration. It's not easy for your girl to accept that she can't control or will certain things. I'm still trying to hammer that into my head.
I hope things get better for her relatively soon. It sometimes can be hell living in a brain like that. *blush*
June 17, 2013 at 2:18 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Hi Cricket
For some darkish humor.
When it's either dusk or dawn, I get totally confused! If my mind shorts out, I don't know if I'm supposed to be fixing my breakfast and looking over my list or whether I should be fixing dinner and look forward to a night of relaxation. I have a 24 hour clock so I'm quickly informed but...but..those few seconds are scary. It's not fun being totally dumbfounded! LOL! If it's dusk, I double check my list to make sure I did my work even though I saw the clock. It's hard to explain what total distrust feels like. It's a lot of backtracking and rechecking. LOL!
Maybe in the future, they'll invent a computer chip that they can put into our brains and allow us to set up reminders to guide us through our day. It feels sort of like being lost in the worst part of town and you have no idea where you are but you want to get out fast! LOL!
For some darkish humor.
When it's either dusk or dawn, I get totally confused! If my mind shorts out, I don't know if I'm supposed to be fixing my breakfast and looking over my list or whether I should be fixing dinner and look forward to a night of relaxation. I have a 24 hour clock so I'm quickly informed but...but..those few seconds are scary. It's not fun being totally dumbfounded! LOL! If it's dusk, I double check my list to make sure I did my work even though I saw the clock. It's hard to explain what total distrust feels like. It's a lot of backtracking and rechecking. LOL!
Maybe in the future, they'll invent a computer chip that they can put into our brains and allow us to set up reminders to guide us through our day. It feels sort of like being lost in the worst part of town and you have no idea where you are but you want to get out fast! LOL!
June 17, 2013 at 2:40 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
It's already here (unfortunately):
Chip implant to remind people to take their pills:
http://gajitz.com/pill-reminder-implant-microchip-on-or-in-your-shoulder/
Chip implant to remind people to take their pills:
http://gajitz.com/pill-reminder-implant-microchip-on-or-in-your-shoulder/
June 17, 2013 at 4:46 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
Hi Seraphim
That sounds so cool! I don't like the phone call aspect because oral comprehension and recall was my worst score. This is embarrassing but my score was 69. That was far worse than my written comprehension and recall. Thank God my IQ wasn't 69 in all areas! (They gave me hours of testing. The brain damage did nothing to help my general IQ. It went down about 30 points because of the many ways the brain damage compromises my general intelligence LOL!)
If I were allowed to offer input, I'd ask them to give some sort of buzz or jolt rather than having to try to listen to, understand and remember a phone message. LOL.
Or....they could text it instead! That I could do! LOL!
That sounds so cool! I don't like the phone call aspect because oral comprehension and recall was my worst score. This is embarrassing but my score was 69. That was far worse than my written comprehension and recall. Thank God my IQ wasn't 69 in all areas! (They gave me hours of testing. The brain damage did nothing to help my general IQ. It went down about 30 points because of the many ways the brain damage compromises my general intelligence LOL!)
If I were allowed to offer input, I'd ask them to give some sort of buzz or jolt rather than having to try to listen to, understand and remember a phone message. LOL.
Or....they could text it instead! That I could do! LOL!
June 17, 2013 at 13:58 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
They're already experimenting with texting to help people remember to take their meds. Early results are tiny cost for huge benefit. People are taking their meds. The message includes a phone number for them to call if they have any questions. Again, early results are promising. The patients call the number then and there and get their questions answered. Much better than being unsure about the medication and waiting until the next office visit to ask.
Learning, thanks for the ideas and best wishes for my daughter. Most days I know she'll be fine. She does very well at school, including time management, and most of the time does well at home. Some days, though, the downs outnumber the ups.
Learning, thanks for the ideas and best wishes for my daughter. Most days I know she'll be fine. She does very well at school, including time management, and most of the time does well at home. Some days, though, the downs outnumber the ups.
June 17, 2013 at 19:58 |
Cricket
Cricket
Hi Cricket
I'm glad to hear the promising report about your daughter. I suppose that I didn't clearly mention that my brain isn't always unreliable. Also for 50 years I enjoyed a good brain. The contrast is severe sometimes. LOL! Hopefully your daughter will never get as cynical as I am about it. *sigh*
re: technology to help us take our meds. The boomers are a very large segment of the population and we still have some influence and power.....but....Generation X and Y are already bitching about their FICA taxes. This year the 2% freeze was lifted so it felt like a 2% increase. The 6.2% Social Security Tax plus the 1.45% Medicare tax isn't going over well for them! LOL!
I'm sure they don't want too much effort invested in increasing our lifespans! Our best hope (besides having made a good portfolio that doesn't crash) is that the pharmaceutical, medical technology, computer technology, etc can sniff out a good profit out of it for them so they'll put their lobbyists into action. LOL! The way that the Gen X's and Y's are loudly bitching, I wouldn't depend on their compassion. I'm praying that keeping us alive will line their pockets somehow. That's our best hope. LOL! Boy, I am a real cynic today! LOL!
I'm glad to hear the promising report about your daughter. I suppose that I didn't clearly mention that my brain isn't always unreliable. Also for 50 years I enjoyed a good brain. The contrast is severe sometimes. LOL! Hopefully your daughter will never get as cynical as I am about it. *sigh*
re: technology to help us take our meds. The boomers are a very large segment of the population and we still have some influence and power.....but....Generation X and Y are already bitching about their FICA taxes. This year the 2% freeze was lifted so it felt like a 2% increase. The 6.2% Social Security Tax plus the 1.45% Medicare tax isn't going over well for them! LOL!
I'm sure they don't want too much effort invested in increasing our lifespans! Our best hope (besides having made a good portfolio that doesn't crash) is that the pharmaceutical, medical technology, computer technology, etc can sniff out a good profit out of it for them so they'll put their lobbyists into action. LOL! The way that the Gen X's and Y's are loudly bitching, I wouldn't depend on their compassion. I'm praying that keeping us alive will line their pockets somehow. That's our best hope. LOL! Boy, I am a real cynic today! LOL!
June 17, 2013 at 21:05 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
p.s.
not to allow my cynicism to go to waste....
I don't know if you're willing to do it, but.....
You could negotiate with her to find out what you can offer as a bribe....a new smart phone, an expense piece of clothing, a vacation, etc....something that will make her salivate at the thought of it being hers.....
Tell her that if she can keep a chart, list, (whatever tools that you think will help her most and is doable for her) for X amount of time then it's hers! Explain rules. I wouldn't ask for 100%....but maybe if she showed that she gave a decent effort for more days than not...etc. Since she's angry about the subject, I'd definitely define the rules so that she can't run some sort of con on you. LOL! (Oops! There's that cynicism again.)
I hope I didn't insult you. Heck, I do that to myself when I want to make sure that I accomplsh something. It used to be contracts and commissioned work. Now it's just keeping up with life. *blush*
If you decide to give it a go.....good luck! I hope it helps her.
not to allow my cynicism to go to waste....
I don't know if you're willing to do it, but.....
You could negotiate with her to find out what you can offer as a bribe....a new smart phone, an expense piece of clothing, a vacation, etc....something that will make her salivate at the thought of it being hers.....
Tell her that if she can keep a chart, list, (whatever tools that you think will help her most and is doable for her) for X amount of time then it's hers! Explain rules. I wouldn't ask for 100%....but maybe if she showed that she gave a decent effort for more days than not...etc. Since she's angry about the subject, I'd definitely define the rules so that she can't run some sort of con on you. LOL! (Oops! There's that cynicism again.)
I hope I didn't insult you. Heck, I do that to myself when I want to make sure that I accomplsh something. It used to be contracts and commissioned work. Now it's just keeping up with life. *blush*
If you decide to give it a go.....good luck! I hope it helps her.
June 17, 2013 at 21:19 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
I benifit from coming up with a weekly and daily plan. Ie: I pull from a large list all the things I want to accomplish / have to do for the upcoming week. Then, I pull from that weekly list daily all the things I want to accomplish / have to do for that day.
My main issue is this: What if I have things that will be "due" early in the week. I won't get really and lead-time for working on it before it's "due"...
Thoughts? Suggestions? Other approaches?