Discussion Forum > Rediscovering the magic
Alan -
Funny - I'm experiencing my own "rediscovering the magic" by re-reading (and following the suggestions in) First Things First by Covey. I feel like it's 2002 again, and contemplating how to increase the space between stimulus and response. Love that guy.
Funny - I'm experiencing my own "rediscovering the magic" by re-reading (and following the suggestions in) First Things First by Covey. I feel like it's 2002 again, and contemplating how to increase the space between stimulus and response. Love that guy.
June 17, 2013 at 5:00 |
avrum
avrum
avrum:
I don't know what Covey says, not having read that book, but the easiest way to increase the space between stimulus and response is to write down what you are going to do next before you start doing it..
I don't know what Covey says, not having read that book, but the easiest way to increase the space between stimulus and response is to write down what you are going to do next before you start doing it..
June 17, 2013 at 13:02 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
@Mark -
I forget the story, but Covey stumbled upon the work of Dr. Viktor Frankyl - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankyl - a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst who survived the death camps in Europe. The stimulus/space line is from Frankyl - expanded upon by Covey.
Sure, writing things down works... for some, sometimes. But there are many ways - therapy, self-questions, meditation, journaling, weekly planning - to increase that space. The much more complex challenge has to do with living within the newly created space, and not regressing to old habits and intergenerational ways of functioning.
I forget the story, but Covey stumbled upon the work of Dr. Viktor Frankyl - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankyl - a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst who survived the death camps in Europe. The stimulus/space line is from Frankyl - expanded upon by Covey.
Sure, writing things down works... for some, sometimes. But there are many ways - therapy, self-questions, meditation, journaling, weekly planning - to increase that space. The much more complex challenge has to do with living within the newly created space, and not regressing to old habits and intergenerational ways of functioning.
June 17, 2013 at 14:55 |
avrum
avrum
Covey is great. His first book is big-picture stuff, and the main criticism was that, sure, now we know what's important (or at least what we felt we should write down), but now we have an even longer list of things we should do. First Things First fills that gap, focusing especially on the weekly level and one's roles and goals. I forget which book introduces the four quadrants. It's about identifying the big rocks and dealing with them first.
Frankyl's "space between stimulus and response" is about identifying opportunities for choice. In the death camps, many went with their first reaction, often anger or depression. Frankyl, though, paused and chose a different response. He chose to help people in the camps live the best lives they could.
It also applies, say, when your kid comes home late. If you can identify that space between their arrival and your response, you can choose to welcome them home and build the relationship rather than letting the worry and frustration and anger come out without giving them a chance.
It applies to habits. If you can identify the space between coming home and following your habit of going to the couch, then you can choose to do something productive.
Having a plan, written or not, to help you use that space wisely can be a big help. The plan might be "check list" or even "write down five things and pick the best."
Frankyl's "space between stimulus and response" is about identifying opportunities for choice. In the death camps, many went with their first reaction, often anger or depression. Frankyl, though, paused and chose a different response. He chose to help people in the camps live the best lives they could.
It also applies, say, when your kid comes home late. If you can identify that space between their arrival and your response, you can choose to welcome them home and build the relationship rather than letting the worry and frustration and anger come out without giving them a chance.
It applies to habits. If you can identify the space between coming home and following your habit of going to the couch, then you can choose to do something productive.
Having a plan, written or not, to help you use that space wisely can be a big help. The plan might be "check list" or even "write down five things and pick the best."
June 17, 2013 at 20:28 |
Cricket
Cricket
Hi Cricket
My dad use to call "that split second of choice as the chance to choose grace." He also called it "chance to choose the"higher road." I miss that opportunity more often than I care to admit but when I do manage make use of it, it feels like a gift.
My dad use to call "that split second of choice as the chance to choose grace." He also called it "chance to choose the"higher road." I miss that opportunity more often than I care to admit but when I do manage make use of it, it feels like a gift.
June 17, 2013 at 20:51 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Cricket - thanks for the comment. I enjoyed reading it.
June 18, 2013 at 1:49 |
avrum
avrum
This flowchart for habit changing encourages not only space between stimulus and response but experimentation with stimulus and response, or more exactly cues and rewards.
https://duhigg-site.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/How-to-Change-a-Habit.jpg
https://duhigg-site.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/How-to-Change-a-Habit.jpg
June 20, 2013 at 21:21 |
michael
michael
Is there a similar chart for adding a habit rather than changing a bad one?
One could argue that I'm breaking the bad habit of relaxing between tasks, but that's twisting it. Although now that I think about it, the cue is usually the feeling of accomplishment, and sometimes the feeling that, accomplished or not, the work day is over.
Adding "it provides me with (reward)" sounds like a good idea. Testing it now.
One could argue that I'm breaking the bad habit of relaxing between tasks, but that's twisting it. Although now that I think about it, the cue is usually the feeling of accomplishment, and sometimes the feeling that, accomplished or not, the work day is over.
Adding "it provides me with (reward)" sounds like a good idea. Testing it now.
June 21, 2013 at 18:21 |
Cricket
Cricket
Today I picked up a notebook, and it was like magic: I did 10x what I would have without the book. Without, I would do what is critical, or what I felt. With, I did all the between stuff as well. It's not just the list; it's having a simple structured approach that clicks my mind into gear.