Discussion Forum > More on "acting as if"
Postive thinking and affirmation can be a great help, but for some with a troubled past, insights into how your past influences your behaviour can be invaluable.
December 13, 2013 at 0:04 |
smileypete
smileypete
One of the most useful things I've learned recently is that we do what we do because of established habits and systems. When we fail to change, we can beat ourselves up and say "that's just the way I am," when really changing habits is a teachable skill. See Charles Duhigh The Power of Habits for some great insights.
December 15, 2013 at 5:23 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
It may help to regard "my personality" not as something fixed but as something I make up as I redefine myself each day. This is more believable if we regard personality as (roughly) attitudes+beliefs+habits+desires. Each of these can be modified, either by experience or conscious re-decision. The ultimate belief I suppose is "I can change anything I believe".
The problem with beliefs is their self-validation. Once installed, a belief functions as part of our perceptual system and therefore filters out everything that does not fit with it. Over time we tend to actualize (or “become”) our beliefs.
Hmmm, so...
1. My life become what I believe
2. My personality is not fixed, that's just a belief
3. How willing am I to change the beliefs I hold as absolutely true? “Am I becoming the kind of person who…"
Maybe change doesn't have to be slow and challenging.
The problem with beliefs is their self-validation. Once installed, a belief functions as part of our perceptual system and therefore filters out everything that does not fit with it. Over time we tend to actualize (or “become”) our beliefs.
Hmmm, so...
1. My life become what I believe
2. My personality is not fixed, that's just a belief
3. How willing am I to change the beliefs I hold as absolutely true? “Am I becoming the kind of person who…"
Maybe change doesn't have to be slow and challenging.
December 15, 2013 at 15:15 |
michael
michael
I'd agree one can change one's personality and habits and this has a bearing on one's sense of self-identify and beliefs. Personally I think that beliefs follow action, just like thought follows action. Thus by changing one's habitual actions, one can change one's beliefs and personality.
I'd like to reiterate the value of "The Power of Habit" here. He gives a specific process for behavior change. It's based on the neurological mechanics of habits:
1. Trigger - something that triggers a habitual behavior - could be environmental, specific sights/sounds/smells, meeting certain people or situations - all kinds of triggers.
2. Behavior - the habitual behavior that is set in motion by the trigger
3. Reward - the "reward" that comes as a result of the behavior. Whether the habit is good or bad, there is always a perceived reward, which is measurable in the neurological centers of pleasure/satisfaction
In this model, the key to behavior change is to identify the behaviors one wants to change. Then carefully observe oneself to identify the triggers that bring on the behavior, and the perceived rewards that accompany the behavior. Then identify a new behavior with which to replace the existing behavior.
In other words: keep the triggers (you've already got them), and keep the rewards (you are already programmed to want them), but replace the behavior: provide another neural pathway to get from the trigger to the reward.
This can work for establishing brand-new habits also.
I've been finding this is very effective - been getting some real traction in some areas. Pretty exciting stuff. :-)
The book goes into more detail - but if you don't want to read the book, you can listen to an interview that David Allen (GTD) did with the author:
http://www.gtdtimes.com/2013/05/13/free-podcast-of-david-allens-conversation-with-charles-duhigg/
I'd like to reiterate the value of "The Power of Habit" here. He gives a specific process for behavior change. It's based on the neurological mechanics of habits:
1. Trigger - something that triggers a habitual behavior - could be environmental, specific sights/sounds/smells, meeting certain people or situations - all kinds of triggers.
2. Behavior - the habitual behavior that is set in motion by the trigger
3. Reward - the "reward" that comes as a result of the behavior. Whether the habit is good or bad, there is always a perceived reward, which is measurable in the neurological centers of pleasure/satisfaction
In this model, the key to behavior change is to identify the behaviors one wants to change. Then carefully observe oneself to identify the triggers that bring on the behavior, and the perceived rewards that accompany the behavior. Then identify a new behavior with which to replace the existing behavior.
In other words: keep the triggers (you've already got them), and keep the rewards (you are already programmed to want them), but replace the behavior: provide another neural pathway to get from the trigger to the reward.
This can work for establishing brand-new habits also.
I've been finding this is very effective - been getting some real traction in some areas. Pretty exciting stuff. :-)
The book goes into more detail - but if you don't want to read the book, you can listen to an interview that David Allen (GTD) did with the author:
http://www.gtdtimes.com/2013/05/13/free-podcast-of-david-allens-conversation-with-charles-duhigg/
December 15, 2013 at 20:05 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
Re: "my personaliy is not fixed"
We are quite attached to a fixed idea of ourselves as continuous through time. Change could be much more rapid if we weaken its hold on us though. Any kind of habit or pattern that you think you may contain ... is only an illusion.
We are quite attached to a fixed idea of ourselves as continuous through time. Change could be much more rapid if we weaken its hold on us though. Any kind of habit or pattern that you think you may contain ... is only an illusion.
December 16, 2013 at 21:32 |
michael
michael
Seraphim: the author BJ Fogg claims behaviour change is easy if the right process is in place and advocates forgetting about willpower, replacing it with:
1. don't try to change a behaviour forever, just a fixed definite period
2. focus on a specific behaviour, not an abstract concept
3. forget the idea that more or better information will change the behaviour, we aren't that rational
4. regard triggers as very important
5. don't blame lack of motivation, make the preferred behaviour easier
6. focus on creating new behaviours, not stopping old ones "swapping, not stopping"
7. change the environment to change behaviours
8. tiny steps, not large steps
9. imagine there is no such thing as willpower!
1. don't try to change a behaviour forever, just a fixed definite period
2. focus on a specific behaviour, not an abstract concept
3. forget the idea that more or better information will change the behaviour, we aren't that rational
4. regard triggers as very important
5. don't blame lack of motivation, make the preferred behaviour easier
6. focus on creating new behaviours, not stopping old ones "swapping, not stopping"
7. change the environment to change behaviours
8. tiny steps, not large steps
9. imagine there is no such thing as willpower!
December 23, 2013 at 22:23 |
michael
michael
By coincidence I just bought "The Power of Habit" today without realizing that it was the book Seraphim has been referring to. What with that and "Progress and Poverty" I'm going to have some serious reading to do over the Christmas period!
December 23, 2013 at 23:14 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
A politically controversial example of acting-as-if makes headlines today
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/10671048/Working-class-children-must-learn-to-be-middle-class-to-get-on-in-life-government-advisor-says.html
"children from poor homes need help to change the way they eat, dress and conduct personal relationships to get ahead"
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/10671048/Working-class-children-must-learn-to-be-middle-class-to-get-on-in-life-government-advisor-says.html
"children from poor homes need help to change the way they eat, dress and conduct personal relationships to get ahead"
March 3, 2014 at 14:23 |
michael
michael
michael, thanks for re-surfacing this thread. It reminded me that I wanted to ask Mark how he liked "The Power of Habit". Mark, any thoughts?
March 3, 2014 at 20:35 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
michael:
<< "children from poor homes need help to change the way they eat, dress and conduct personal relationships to get ahead" >>
Maybe they could be encouraged to model themselves on this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqvddpX1uYA
<< "children from poor homes need help to change the way they eat, dress and conduct personal relationships to get ahead" >>
Maybe they could be encouraged to model themselves on this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqvddpX1uYA
March 4, 2014 at 16:23 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
Seraphim:
<< I wanted to ask Mark how he liked "The Power of Habit". >>
I think I got distracted somewhere along the line and didn't read more than a couple of chapters.
<< I wanted to ask Mark how he liked "The Power of Habit". >>
I think I got distracted somewhere along the line and didn't read more than a couple of chapters.
March 4, 2014 at 16:30 |
Mark Forster
Mark Forster
1 making the decision, "this is who i am."
2.trusting that decision, ie put faith and belief in it without doubt or uncertainty "well i must now be that person."
3. expressing that trust: perform an action with the foundational, underlying supposition of my decision that "this is who i am."
An unrecognised drawback of some therapies is that as you dig into your past to determine why you turned out in an undesirable way you continually re-assert that version of who you are, continually re-asserting the decision that..."I am this person that needs so much fixing." There can be an unconscious motivation to hold on to that of course.
When you state "this is who i desire to be," there is sometimes the tendency to hesitate or doubt with a "well, this is who i am being" but "even though i desire to be this person." and that reveals doubt, uncertainty. Instead there is the choice "this is who i am because this is what i prefer ... this is how i see myself...this is the person i love to be"