Discussion Forum > My "Deep Focus" journey - Part 6 - Transform Habits
I tried to apply this to some of my time-management challenges, and it’s worked out pretty well so far.
One key problem is just wanting to escape from adversity. I don’t like emotional confrontations, but since I like to volunteer as a political activist, I often get myself into “situations”. LOL! I stew over these conflicts for days after they happen (it used to be WEEKS or MONTHS, so I guess I am improving). To escape from the stress of it all, I would find myself going on binges of web-surfing or reading fiction – trying to escape. These aren’t necessarily bad in themselves, but with the evening web binges I would have a hard time focusing on real things that needed to get done. This led to other kinds of problems, like forgetting to check the boys’ math homework, or getting behind on the volunteer work and not being as effective as I should be.
This behavior was really upsetting me, so I decided to try Duhigg’s method. The trigger seemed pretty clear: the stress of emotional confrontation. And the reward seemed pretty clear: emotional escape, getting away from the situation and not having to deal with it. But the escape would leave me LESS prepared to actually deal with the fallout, and once I was back in the real world, I’d still need to figure out what to do about the situation. This would stress me out, which would trigger the escape behavior again, etc. It could be a nasty cycle. So, how could I craft a reward that would give me some relief from the emotional stress, but leave me BETTER prepared to deal with the situation?
At first, I tried to start a new behavior of doing some spiritual reading. In the evening, after the children are all in bed, I like to spend an hour or two trying to get some things done. But if I am feeling that emotional upheaval, and wanting to escape, I try to get away from the computer, sit in a comfy chair, and start reading a spiritual book. Usually something easy and light, like the lives of the saints, or maybe some Scripture commentary. Maybe I’d set the Pomodoro timer – maybe not. I’d just read till the turmoil went away.
And you know what, this totally worked! I would get absorbed pretty easily in the book -- this was by design, since I chose a few books I was pretty sure I could get into pretty easily. So it gave me that escape I wanted, that brief respite from the stress. But it also helped me process that turmoil in a much better way! Often I’d read something in the lives of the saints, where they dealt with some similar adversity (but usually far heavier and more serious), and I’d see some way out of the problem, or find new courage to deal with it. I’d also see how I myself was contributing to the problem, and see how I could act differently so that the confrontations (which are inevitable in politics) might be more constructive and less stressful. So now, I keep a stack of good reading material available next to that comfy chair, and try to head over there whenever I feel that emotional turmoil in the evening. And that habit has been totally reprogrammed. The best part is that I get REAL RELIEF, and find REAL SOLUTIONS, rather than just escape. Lord help me keep it going!
How does any of this relate to Deep Focus? For me, it has a direct bearing: for personal and volunteer projects, those few hours in the evening when the children are in bed are the only hours I have to work. I need to keep them clear so I can focus. I can’t readily do that when I’m facing one of these emotional-turmoil death spirals. This has been a huge change for me, and has made me much more consistently productive in those late evening hours. It has freed up many many hours that would otherwise have been wasted. I still have other issues to deal with, but this one has just vanished, or nearly so.
One key problem is just wanting to escape from adversity. I don’t like emotional confrontations, but since I like to volunteer as a political activist, I often get myself into “situations”. LOL! I stew over these conflicts for days after they happen (it used to be WEEKS or MONTHS, so I guess I am improving). To escape from the stress of it all, I would find myself going on binges of web-surfing or reading fiction – trying to escape. These aren’t necessarily bad in themselves, but with the evening web binges I would have a hard time focusing on real things that needed to get done. This led to other kinds of problems, like forgetting to check the boys’ math homework, or getting behind on the volunteer work and not being as effective as I should be.
This behavior was really upsetting me, so I decided to try Duhigg’s method. The trigger seemed pretty clear: the stress of emotional confrontation. And the reward seemed pretty clear: emotional escape, getting away from the situation and not having to deal with it. But the escape would leave me LESS prepared to actually deal with the fallout, and once I was back in the real world, I’d still need to figure out what to do about the situation. This would stress me out, which would trigger the escape behavior again, etc. It could be a nasty cycle. So, how could I craft a reward that would give me some relief from the emotional stress, but leave me BETTER prepared to deal with the situation?
At first, I tried to start a new behavior of doing some spiritual reading. In the evening, after the children are all in bed, I like to spend an hour or two trying to get some things done. But if I am feeling that emotional upheaval, and wanting to escape, I try to get away from the computer, sit in a comfy chair, and start reading a spiritual book. Usually something easy and light, like the lives of the saints, or maybe some Scripture commentary. Maybe I’d set the Pomodoro timer – maybe not. I’d just read till the turmoil went away.
And you know what, this totally worked! I would get absorbed pretty easily in the book -- this was by design, since I chose a few books I was pretty sure I could get into pretty easily. So it gave me that escape I wanted, that brief respite from the stress. But it also helped me process that turmoil in a much better way! Often I’d read something in the lives of the saints, where they dealt with some similar adversity (but usually far heavier and more serious), and I’d see some way out of the problem, or find new courage to deal with it. I’d also see how I myself was contributing to the problem, and see how I could act differently so that the confrontations (which are inevitable in politics) might be more constructive and less stressful. So now, I keep a stack of good reading material available next to that comfy chair, and try to head over there whenever I feel that emotional turmoil in the evening. And that habit has been totally reprogrammed. The best part is that I get REAL RELIEF, and find REAL SOLUTIONS, rather than just escape. Lord help me keep it going!
How does any of this relate to Deep Focus? For me, it has a direct bearing: for personal and volunteer projects, those few hours in the evening when the children are in bed are the only hours I have to work. I need to keep them clear so I can focus. I can’t readily do that when I’m facing one of these emotional-turmoil death spirals. This has been a huge change for me, and has made me much more consistently productive in those late evening hours. It has freed up many many hours that would otherwise have been wasted. I still have other issues to deal with, but this one has just vanished, or nearly so.
January 31, 2014 at 6:35 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
This is just an example that deals with my own situation and challenges. But the trigger-behavior-reward analysis and reprogramming can be applied to so many different situations and challenges.
What are some ways you could use this to change your habits and be happier with the way you manage your time and life?
What are some ways you could use this to change your habits and be happier with the way you manage your time and life?
January 31, 2014 at 6:44 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
I wanted to finally complete a post on one of the most helpful new things I’ve learned that has helped me to get more Deep Focus time. This comes from Charles Duhigg’s book, _The Power of Habit_. http://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/
I’ve mentioned the book a few times in other posts. The book is based on one main idea, which the author then takes in some new and interesting directions. The idea is that habits consist of three elements: trigger, behavior, and reward. And the best way to change a habit is to keep the trigger, keep the reward, but change the behavior. He explains how this process is rooted in the basal ganglia – a deep part of the brain distant from the area of consciousness and thought in the cerebral cortex. The neural pathways of habit are formed in the basal ganglia, and essentially it works like this:
1. Trigger - something external triggers a habitual behavior - could be emotional, environmental, specific sights/sounds/smells, meeting certain people or situations - all kinds of triggers.
2. Behavior – the brain has formed a neural pathway to get from the trigger to the reward. And that neural pathway is formed by a specific habitual behavior. Carrying out the behavior is the fastest path to get from the trigger to reward, and that’s the path the brain pushes you to follow.
3. Reward - the "reward" that comes as a result of the behavior. Whether the habit is good or bad, there is always a perceived reward, which is measurable in the neurological centers of pleasure/satisfaction
Duhigg’s essential insight is that it’s very difficult to eliminate triggers and rewards. They have already been programmed, and they can’t simply be erased. But you *can* create a new neural pathway to get from the trigger to the reward.
So here is what he recommends: Identify the habitual behavior you want to change. Then observe yourself very carefully whenever you feel prompted to carry out that habitual behavior. What exactly was the trigger that brought it on? Then think through it some more… What exactly is the reward that you are expecting to receive?
Once you’ve identified those, then it’s time to get creative and try to think of some new way you can achieve the same reward – some other behavior, a beneficial or benign behavior, that will give you the same reward. And then train yourself to respond to the trigger with the new behavior, instead of the old. It does take conscious effort to do this, but since you are MAKING USE OF the reward mechanism, instead of trying to FIGHT it, it is far easier than the brute-force method of overcoming habits, and can lead to quicker, longer-lasting change.