Discussion Forum > Fear of an Empty List
I'm usually like that as well. I found that when I use the method described here http://markforster.squarespace.com/blog/2016/5/9/my-current-no-list-system.html that I was completing things. In fact, I wrote a comment there stating "I ... tend to do 90% of things and then leave them until never to finish but with this [system] I would keep following up until it was really done." The following reply agreed with me. You should check it out!
May 19, 2016 at 3:51 |
Don R
Don R
I think you've done a great job so far of simply paying attention to your behavior and 'programming', as it were. Keep doing that and use Mark's questioning techniques (see his latest book) to continue walking around the issue (let's not call it a problem; other people leave stuff undone on their lists and they're still nice people) and pondering it. Don't try to force an insight. It'll come to you when it's ready.
If you do start asking yourself questions, I'd suggest avoiding questions that begin with "why". Your mind will try to manufacture answers to the question and they'll be unsatisfying. Try asking "what" or "how" questions instead. Like, "What do I think will happen if I finish everything on the list?" or "How can I finish my lists and feel calm and complete?" That kind of question goes in through a back window instead of breaking through the front door.
Related, kind of: http://heydave.org/post/27681989546/the-just-look-at-it-hack-to-problem-solving
If you do start asking yourself questions, I'd suggest avoiding questions that begin with "why". Your mind will try to manufacture answers to the question and they'll be unsatisfying. Try asking "what" or "how" questions instead. Like, "What do I think will happen if I finish everything on the list?" or "How can I finish my lists and feel calm and complete?" That kind of question goes in through a back window instead of breaking through the front door.
Related, kind of: http://heydave.org/post/27681989546/the-just-look-at-it-hack-to-problem-solving
May 19, 2016 at 14:45 |
Mike Brown
Mike Brown
You just describe how I work. That might be why I resist using the May 9 method so strongly, even in the short term.
In my case, my feeling is that the project is under control, so I should work on something that isn't. My active file cabinets have room for the year; no need to take the pile (nicely confined in a box) to the basement archives. My email will never be fully empty, this is good enough.
Also, the last bit of the task is often a hard bit. My oldest email is explain something about website registration to someone who didn't understand and do her part quite right. (Currently I own the site, but since it's a guild site, the guild's email should own it, and I get Admin privileges. Except I can't access the guild email to complete the process, so have to rely on her. I kept putting it off, but now I realize that in three months someone else will take over the email, so I should move that to the calendar. Yes!
In my case, my feeling is that the project is under control, so I should work on something that isn't. My active file cabinets have room for the year; no need to take the pile (nicely confined in a box) to the basement archives. My email will never be fully empty, this is good enough.
Also, the last bit of the task is often a hard bit. My oldest email is explain something about website registration to someone who didn't understand and do her part quite right. (Currently I own the site, but since it's a guild site, the guild's email should own it, and I get Admin privileges. Except I can't access the guild email to complete the process, so have to rely on her. I kept putting it off, but now I realize that in three months someone else will take over the email, so I should move that to the calendar. Yes!
May 19, 2016 at 21:55 |
Cricket
Cricket
I really appreciate the ideas and comments.
-----
Don,
I just used the no-list system in the link for the first time today. It was a wild success! I didn't hack it at all, but I did take it to a microscopic level so I could more quickly understand how it works. Example:
read blog post
get showered and dressed
leave on time to meet the movers
affirmations
download text-to-speech
listen to positive optimistic upbeat songs (The Wiz)
get in mother-in-laws house through the garage
put note on DO NOT MOVE items
open garage door
practice tai chi while waiting
order prescription refill
tai chi
try text to speech app
affirmations
meditate
show the movers what to move
pay movers
tai chi
close garage and lock house
drive into work
wash hands
I literally wrote every step, and rewrote it if I was tired of doing it and wasn't done yet. Then the miracle. After a couple hours, instead of having a list of things I hadn't completed yet and thinking now the day has gotten away from me, all I saw was a list of COMPLETION, with free choice now of whatever I wanted to add next! I chose Empty Email Inbox, wrote it down, and proceeded to dive in until something else popped up. I then crossed off Empty Email Inbox (yay completion!), rewrote it (yay, I know I will get back to it soon!), and then wrote down the thing I had dropped on my desk to handle immediately.
----
Mike,
Changing my dialogue from "why" to "what" and "how" is such a simple but perfect suggestion. "Why" made me feel worse and find blame, like "why am I a failure". "What" and "how" accesses my creative mind, and boom, I start finding solutions.
-----
Cricket,
I'm fascinated about your insight about keeping all your projects under control, but not necessarily completed. Like spinning plates. I hope I understood that correctly. My experience today was so interesting. My biggest problem is too many spinning plates, but having a system that almost forces completion or returning quickly to the same task, that was a feeling that I've been craving but unable to access. Did I get anything more done today than usual? I don't know, but it feels like it because the focus is on what I got done, not on what I wrote down to do later but didn't get to it.
-----
Again, thank you all for your comments and ideas!
-----
Don,
I just used the no-list system in the link for the first time today. It was a wild success! I didn't hack it at all, but I did take it to a microscopic level so I could more quickly understand how it works. Example:
read blog post
get showered and dressed
leave on time to meet the movers
affirmations
download text-to-speech
listen to positive optimistic upbeat songs (The Wiz)
get in mother-in-laws house through the garage
put note on DO NOT MOVE items
open garage door
practice tai chi while waiting
order prescription refill
tai chi
try text to speech app
affirmations
meditate
show the movers what to move
pay movers
tai chi
close garage and lock house
drive into work
wash hands
I literally wrote every step, and rewrote it if I was tired of doing it and wasn't done yet. Then the miracle. After a couple hours, instead of having a list of things I hadn't completed yet and thinking now the day has gotten away from me, all I saw was a list of COMPLETION, with free choice now of whatever I wanted to add next! I chose Empty Email Inbox, wrote it down, and proceeded to dive in until something else popped up. I then crossed off Empty Email Inbox (yay completion!), rewrote it (yay, I know I will get back to it soon!), and then wrote down the thing I had dropped on my desk to handle immediately.
----
Mike,
Changing my dialogue from "why" to "what" and "how" is such a simple but perfect suggestion. "Why" made me feel worse and find blame, like "why am I a failure". "What" and "how" accesses my creative mind, and boom, I start finding solutions.
-----
Cricket,
I'm fascinated about your insight about keeping all your projects under control, but not necessarily completed. Like spinning plates. I hope I understood that correctly. My experience today was so interesting. My biggest problem is too many spinning plates, but having a system that almost forces completion or returning quickly to the same task, that was a feeling that I've been craving but unable to access. Did I get anything more done today than usual? I don't know, but it feels like it because the focus is on what I got done, not on what I wrote down to do later but didn't get to it.
-----
Again, thank you all for your comments and ideas!
May 25, 2016 at 22:09 |
Scott Moehring
Scott Moehring
Awesome!
May 25, 2016 at 23:18 |
Don R
Don R
Great post Scott, thanks for sharing these experiences!
May 27, 2016 at 17:41 |
Seraphim
Seraphim
I did a little honest self-analysis using Mark's "Thinking With Bullet Points" from his latest book, and there is something psychological going on here.
-- Why does nearing completion of a list create anxiety?
-- Why do I often turn away from the very end of a task instead of driving towards completion? After a distraction, I often come back and finish, but why not just push through and finish the last couple minutes?
-- Why can I power through a list of 20 things until there are just 2-3 left, and then lose all momentum and simply drift?
-- What scares me about an empty to do list?
-- I really love the closed list concept, but in reality I'm struggling with actually completing a list.
-- I always bring a stack of enjoyable stuff to do when I go on a trip, but I never actually do any of it. It's like I'm afraid I'm not going to have anything to do that I will like, but that is never the case.
-- It's easy to find things that interest me. Ridiculously easy. In fact they are constantly jumping up asking for my attention. I should never fear for not finding something interesting if I want something.
-- Why do I get the sense that part of the fear of completing a list is that I won't know what to do with myself afterwards?
-- Why can I rush through and finish a list if it's right at the end of the day? I just wait, wait, wait, and then burn through really fast, finish right before it's time to leave, and feel good about completing the list. However, the only reason I suspect I could do that was because I knew I would then go home and I wouldn't have to face the empty list and the "now what do I do?" question.
-- When I clear out my inbox into my Clear It Today folder, why do I not finish everything in that folder, but return obsessively to the inbox to completely empty it of a handful of new emails over and over?
-- Why do I get down to a couple items in the Closed list for today, and then jump to processing new incoming stuff?
-- Why do I mentally estimate how much time something will take (especially when it's the last thing on the list), and then wait until I have that much time remaining before I start it?
-- What scares me about finishing the list for today?!?
I'm realizing this is a pattern in my life. Boxes of paperwork get almost emptied, and the dregs combined into other boxes. Cars get almost completely cleaned out. Offices as well. I've never moved without bringing several small boxes of mostly trash that I didn't quite get to go through. Packing for a trip right before I head out the door.
Sigh. I went back through to check spelling on this post, and just before I completed that, I SPONTANEOUSLY FLIPPED TO A DIFFERENT WINDOW AND SENT AN EMAIL TO A VENDOR WITH A SMALL REQUEST. Then I came back here to finish the post literally 2 minutes later, and finishing it literally took another 2 minutes. WHY DID I NOT FINISH THE FIRST TIME? Argh...
Any thoughts, or similar experiences? :)
Scott