Discussion Forum > What's the deal with resistance?
Jacqueline,
You are spot on. It is very helpful to get ideas and/or a pep talk from others about resistance problems. I think we all know how to get things done, but when it comes to our own world, our minds go blank. Our problems are so much larger than any one else's. More difficult. More complex. Yet everyone else can see how simple the situation really is and remind of what we need to do.
For example, I spent almost all day yesterday trying to fight through a (to me) complicated problem with my car. I have a Prius (my wife's car, actually) and the headlight turns itself off at random intervals. The bulb is fine and Toyota knows of the problem but is stone walling (to the point where a law firm in San Francisco has gotten interested in representing owners in a class action suit). It is more complicated be cause the dealer first claimed there was nothing wrong, then claimed that it was a bad bulb which was not covered by warranty. When I asked how it could be bad when it was obviously working they told me the filament was broken but when vibrated would reattach itself. Odd, since this kind of bulb has no filament ... just more lies. And even worse, they claim my car is out of warranty when I paid for an 84 month 120,000 mile extended warranty (it is my wife's car after all ;-) So even more flim-flam
So what is the big deal? Well, they charge anywhere from $6oo to $1800 to replace headlights on the Prius. Toyota claims surprise when called about the problem but will, with some fussing, offer to pay the outrageous price of the bulb if the owner pays the labor. However, not only are the dealers selling a $40 bulb for $150, they are charging over $200 in labor to put one in because the front bumper has to be removed to do the job. Of course, there are housewives who have never held a screwdriver before who figured out how to do it in about one half hour to save those many hundreds of dollars.
All of that is to illustrate how a simple trip to the dealer for an oil change can result in a massive, complex, and emotionally charged problem that can take over one's life. The day I spent yesterday allowed be to educate myself on the problem, the design of HID (High Intensity Discharge) headlights, and gather the paper work necessary to start building a case to get Toyota to make this right for me. Needless to say, the problem looked much bigger than it really is because I was ignorant of the details and emotionally involved. I got a lot of help from an owners website where people shared their experiences and helped me define the scope of my problem.
Just to round out the point ... on the same day the car that I drive would not start. (Obviously a dead battery.) I had no problem at all pulling the battery and charging it. There are others who would feel less intimidated with all of the digging into the headlights and be more overwhelmed with wrenches, screwdrivers, and battery chargers. It is just a case of being on familiar ground. I'm sure that when the Prius issue is resolved, I'll feel much better handling the next Prius headlight fiasco ;-)
You are spot on. It is very helpful to get ideas and/or a pep talk from others about resistance problems. I think we all know how to get things done, but when it comes to our own world, our minds go blank. Our problems are so much larger than any one else's. More difficult. More complex. Yet everyone else can see how simple the situation really is and remind of what we need to do.
For example, I spent almost all day yesterday trying to fight through a (to me) complicated problem with my car. I have a Prius (my wife's car, actually) and the headlight turns itself off at random intervals. The bulb is fine and Toyota knows of the problem but is stone walling (to the point where a law firm in San Francisco has gotten interested in representing owners in a class action suit). It is more complicated be cause the dealer first claimed there was nothing wrong, then claimed that it was a bad bulb which was not covered by warranty. When I asked how it could be bad when it was obviously working they told me the filament was broken but when vibrated would reattach itself. Odd, since this kind of bulb has no filament ... just more lies. And even worse, they claim my car is out of warranty when I paid for an 84 month 120,000 mile extended warranty (it is my wife's car after all ;-) So even more flim-flam
So what is the big deal? Well, they charge anywhere from $6oo to $1800 to replace headlights on the Prius. Toyota claims surprise when called about the problem but will, with some fussing, offer to pay the outrageous price of the bulb if the owner pays the labor. However, not only are the dealers selling a $40 bulb for $150, they are charging over $200 in labor to put one in because the front bumper has to be removed to do the job. Of course, there are housewives who have never held a screwdriver before who figured out how to do it in about one half hour to save those many hundreds of dollars.
All of that is to illustrate how a simple trip to the dealer for an oil change can result in a massive, complex, and emotionally charged problem that can take over one's life. The day I spent yesterday allowed be to educate myself on the problem, the design of HID (High Intensity Discharge) headlights, and gather the paper work necessary to start building a case to get Toyota to make this right for me. Needless to say, the problem looked much bigger than it really is because I was ignorant of the details and emotionally involved. I got a lot of help from an owners website where people shared their experiences and helped me define the scope of my problem.
Just to round out the point ... on the same day the car that I drive would not start. (Obviously a dead battery.) I had no problem at all pulling the battery and charging it. There are others who would feel less intimidated with all of the digging into the headlights and be more overwhelmed with wrenches, screwdrivers, and battery chargers. It is just a case of being on familiar ground. I'm sure that when the Prius issue is resolved, I'll feel much better handling the next Prius headlight fiasco ;-)
March 19, 2009 at 14:00 |
Mike
Mike
Mike, cars are overwhelming to me and I'm afraid of electrical stuff too and am now afraid of plumbing since I found out the hard way that my main shut off doesn't work. :-)
I think gender plays a part in things as well. Men are (generally) taught to be more fearless, take risks etc. and women are taught to play it safe. Every time I see a man working on something mechanical and just playing around with things, I want to yell "but there's instructions right here! Why aren't you looking at them?" But they aren't afraid to just dive in and start turning knobs and stuff.
I used to drive my team crazy with always saying things were easy. But I explained to them that if you tell yourself it's easy, you know there is a solution and you will find it. If you tell yourself that it's impossible, your mind closes off to potential solutions.
I think gender plays a part in things as well. Men are (generally) taught to be more fearless, take risks etc. and women are taught to play it safe. Every time I see a man working on something mechanical and just playing around with things, I want to yell "but there's instructions right here! Why aren't you looking at them?" But they aren't afraid to just dive in and start turning knobs and stuff.
I used to drive my team crazy with always saying things were easy. But I explained to them that if you tell yourself it's easy, you know there is a solution and you will find it. If you tell yourself that it's impossible, your mind closes off to potential solutions.
March 19, 2009 at 15:17 |
Jacqueline
Jacqueline
Hi Mike
I know what you're talking about when your personal hassle factor alarm starts ringing in your head about ANYTHING it happens to be attached to! LOL! Although my hassle alarm rang for a much less important item, I still felt the alarm go off. While I'm bitching, here's what happened to me Monday to illustrate how potent and yet irrational my hassle factor alarm can be.
1. I received my credit card bill and I noticed an entry for $280 some dollars.
1. Immediately my mind flashbacked to a time when I had to chase down American Express for over a year over an erroneous $700 plus bill for coins. Bottom Line, a postal investigation tracked the coins to one of their warehouse over a year later of letters, calls, yada yady B.S.ing.........FRUSTRATION!
1. Then I found myself writing a short list to get myself moving ASAP on this because I didn't want it ias a part of my mental landscape.
1. I wrote the question....What could happen and what do I hope will happen?
A. I hope that the charge is in fact mine and just pat the $280plus dollars.
B. I hope that they tell me that my disputing this charge is no big deal (and there's little onus on me to chase them down and hold them to it. It gets resolved within 2 months of prodding and followup correspondance.
C. They give me crap and deny my dispute and have to pay it if I don't want the hassle of fighting it (Yes, I've done this before....BestBuy got me for $315 dollars...I got tired of chasing it and gave up.
I went to my receipts notebook AGAIN and still didn't see it in chronological arder so I physically touched every single February receipt to "prove" to myself that I didn't miss any. The hassle factor was failing like a WWII bomb siren and I ran for cover by just siting down in a different room. I didn't want to play the game but I also didn't want to get screwed because they were better at the "how's going to give up first?" game.
I went to take a med that was due and there it was stuck to the package. I forgot that I refilled it.
I was SO RELIEVED to solve this by only paying $280 dollars and not getting screwed doing it...........Then I fell out and started laughing my butt off! LOL! Every time I pay for expensive meds I internally complain.......yet....I felt such a relief not to have to chase down being right or forking over cash because the fight takes too much out of me....
And that, folks, is irrational resistance in a nutshell! ROTFL!
learning as I go
I know what you're talking about when your personal hassle factor alarm starts ringing in your head about ANYTHING it happens to be attached to! LOL! Although my hassle alarm rang for a much less important item, I still felt the alarm go off. While I'm bitching, here's what happened to me Monday to illustrate how potent and yet irrational my hassle factor alarm can be.
1. I received my credit card bill and I noticed an entry for $280 some dollars.
1. Immediately my mind flashbacked to a time when I had to chase down American Express for over a year over an erroneous $700 plus bill for coins. Bottom Line, a postal investigation tracked the coins to one of their warehouse over a year later of letters, calls, yada yady B.S.ing.........FRUSTRATION!
1. Then I found myself writing a short list to get myself moving ASAP on this because I didn't want it ias a part of my mental landscape.
1. I wrote the question....What could happen and what do I hope will happen?
A. I hope that the charge is in fact mine and just pat the $280plus dollars.
B. I hope that they tell me that my disputing this charge is no big deal (and there's little onus on me to chase them down and hold them to it. It gets resolved within 2 months of prodding and followup correspondance.
C. They give me crap and deny my dispute and have to pay it if I don't want the hassle of fighting it (Yes, I've done this before....BestBuy got me for $315 dollars...I got tired of chasing it and gave up.
I went to my receipts notebook AGAIN and still didn't see it in chronological arder so I physically touched every single February receipt to "prove" to myself that I didn't miss any. The hassle factor was failing like a WWII bomb siren and I ran for cover by just siting down in a different room. I didn't want to play the game but I also didn't want to get screwed because they were better at the "how's going to give up first?" game.
I went to take a med that was due and there it was stuck to the package. I forgot that I refilled it.
I was SO RELIEVED to solve this by only paying $280 dollars and not getting screwed doing it...........Then I fell out and started laughing my butt off! LOL! Every time I pay for expensive meds I internally complain.......yet....I felt such a relief not to have to chase down being right or forking over cash because the fight takes too much out of me....
And that, folks, is irrational resistance in a nutshell! ROTFL!
learning as I go
March 19, 2009 at 15:21 |
learning as I go
learning as I go
Other than that, everything I've resisted, I resisted because it isn't that important to do - like clean out the (almost empty) cabinet on top of the fridge. No problem if it is dismissed or not. I'll maybe add it back in 6 months when work slows down.
I resisted giving away my mother's coat until it was one of the last few items on the page - then finally let it go - she would have been happy with that. And ok, I kind of resist housework items, but I eventually buck up and do them. And I'm getting better thanks to learning as I go's recommendation to "leave no footprint".
But others here seem to face MASSIVE RESISTANCE (as Tony Robbins would say/yell) on a lot of things - and I was just curious about why because it seems like resistance should come from just a couple of situations - overwhelm because the task is too big or you don't know how to do it (in which case break the task down or research it or pay someone else to do it - like I did with getting my dishwasher installed) or involving some kind of confrontation like my fear of the storage company lady (who has 2 Rottweilers BTW :-) or asking for a raise or collecting an outstanding receivable.
I used to chair a Barbara Sher Wishcraft regular meeting / idea party where we would present our obstacles to the group and others would offer suggestions for how to overcome the obstacles. Other people can offer suggestions because they don't have all the emotions tied up in their answers, but really good things came out of our sessions.
So if you need help with something you're resisting, please don't hesitate to ask for help !!