Get Everything Done

As I wrote about earlier, I've been exploring how to get a stronger sense of flow and engagement, like AF1 always seemed to give, but while sticking with the basic simplicity of Serial No-List.

http://markforster.squarespace.com/forum/post/2737722#post2738556


I am thinking of "flow" in the sense given by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mihaly_Csikszentmihalyi#Flow:

<< ... a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. It is a state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter. The idea of flow is identical to the feeling of being in the zone or in the groove. The flow state is an optimal state of intrinsic motivation, where the person is fully immersed in what they are doing. This is a feeling everyone has at times, characterized by a feeling of great absorption, engagement, fulfillment, and skill—and during which temporal concerns (time, food, ego-self, etc.) are typically ignored. >>


It's actually pretty easy to do this with Serial No-List. I just need to double-down on sticking with my list -- work from my list as much as possible. The basic mechanics of working the list are very similar to AF1. You just scan through the page, put a dot next to whatever stands out and work on it as long as you want. Draw a line through the item when done, and re-enter it at the end of today's page if you haven't finished it yet. Leaning more heavily on these basic mechanics -- mainly the scanning and "standing out" part, and only working on something as long as you want to -- can pretty easily induce a state of flow.

So the more I stay focused on my list, the more I get these effects. This is generally working great when I am at work. But at home, I am finding myself in a conflict over it.

There are many reasons why I think it's a good thing to go off-list sometimes, but I think the source of the conflict boils down to this. I also have a strong desire to be fully present in my actual home environment -- being fully present for my wife and children -- not just absorbed in my list. I can also get myself into a flow state, just walking around the house and doing whatever needs doing -- absorbing myself in whatever "stand out" right in front of me.

So when I am free at home, I find myself alternating between sticking with my list, and breaking away from the list to go see what "stands out" away from the list. And it feels like a conflict. It is distracting and makes it harder to get into a good flow.

According to Goldratt, the key to every conflict is to first identify the common goal between the conflicting elements, and then discover the hidden assumptions why you think there is a conflict. So I will walk through that right now in front of everyone so you get a glimpse into how his "Evaporating Cloud" conflict resolution process works. 🙂

Here is the basic structure:
A = the goal (not sure what it is yet)
B = one thing needed to achieve the goal (not sure what it is yet)
C = another thing needed to achieve the goal(not sure what it is yet)
D = requirement to achieve B
D' = requirement to achieve C

D and D' are mutually exclusive.

(Cf. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evaporating_Cloud )


So far, we have identified D and D':
D = stick with the list
D' = go off list and engage with the immediate environment

And yes, we can confirm these are directly in conflict. I can't do both of these things at the same time.

OK, why do I need them?

Why do I need D?
B = maintain a strong flow state

Why do I need D'?
C = be present for my wife and children

OK, good enough.

What is the common aim served by both B and C?

Hm, sometimes this is hard. What is the common goal between "maintain a strong flow state" and "be present for my wife and children"?

Well, I want to maintain a strong flow state for several reasons. One, it is very motivating and engaging. I really *like* being in the flow state. I can get a lot done. I can go really deep into my work. I can get real breakthroughs. All of this is very helpful, not just at work, but also for all the stuff we need to do at home. However, this deep engagement in my work - which is usually desk work or computer work or maybe getting some chore finished - directly takes away from time with my family. Indeed, when I am in a flow state, and my wife or children interrupt me, it can be very irritating. I blame myself for that, not my wife and children. I think this fact is just proof that there is a real conflict between those two things.

OK, I still don't see a common goal. So let me think some more, why do I want to "be present for my wife and children"?

Well, my wife needs me to help with her many needs and concerns, she needs me to be aware of these things, she needs me to be proactive about these things. She mainly needs help raising the children, helping with their school, with their discipline and guidance. We need more time to build more good memories together. And there is just a lot of stuff that needs to get done. Also, it is a great joy to ignore my list and just be present with my family. To work together, play together. It is always a great consolation just to have everyone present, our oldest son doing his college work, the other kids doing schoolwork or crafts or playing a game, my wife working on one of her projects for the family, and me washing the dishes or doing some paperwork. Being together like that is a great source of happiness for us.

Hm, so far, the only clear common thread I see between B and C is "get a lot done". And perhaps "feel fulfillment in what I am doing".

So maybe let's tentatively define the goal as follows:
A="feel fulfillment in getting a lot done for the family"

Or maybe:
A="feel fulfillment in getting a lot of the right stuff done for my wife and family"

OK, so here is how I would write the full conflict:
In order to feel fulfillment in getting a lot of the right stuff done for my wife and family, I need to maintain a strong flow state. (B->A)
In order to maintain a strong flow state, I need to work from my list. (D->B)
But in order to feel fulfillment in getting a lot of the right stuff done for my wife and family, I also need to be present for my wife and children. (A->C)
And in order to be present for my wife and children, I need to go off list and engage with the immediate environment. (C->D')
I cannot simultaneously work from my list, and go off-list. They are mutually exclusive. Thus I have a conflict. (D<->D')


OK, now that I express it like this, I immediately see a way to eliminate the conflict. It's in the word "simultaneously". The ideal time to be with my family is when they are here! And the ideal time to work from my list is all the other times. I tend to get up earlier than everyone else. I can just work from my list in the early mornings and other times when my family is asleep, away, or occupied with other things that are not amenable to my involvement. But when the family is available, then so should I be.

Hm, that seems like a good direction. I will try that.

In retrospect, this is what I tend to do most of the time anyway. But it doesn't always work. I guess it's because I get so absorbed in my list in the early morning, and then as everyone else gets up, I am hesitant to break away from my flow state - I want to stay in the zone. But I should acknowledge that it has served its purpose, and now it's time to be engaged and present. And also, I often find myself sort of wandering about with the family, rather than doing anything constructive. I then think, I've got a lot of things I need to get done, and find myself drifting off to my desk and my list. So here is something I should fix. When I am present with the family, what should I actually be doing? What do my wife and kids really need? Good topic for conversation with them... Sounds like a good area to explore.

It looks like I've neglected to respond on this thread!

Nicole wrote:

<< do you really need to work from the list to get into a flow state? Can't your reach a flow state by "just" engaging with your family? >>

There is something about working from the list, and the "standing out" process, that helps induce the flow state.

Csikszentmihalyi found that the zone where flow occurs is the area where challenge is matched to ability. Too much challenge, and the person is overwhelmed. Too much ability, and the person is bored.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)#Conditions

The "standing out" method seems to guide a person into a flow state automatically. This is easy to do with a list. You just review your list with some level of intuitive reflection, and go with whatever "stands out". I think this happens because "standing out" automatically matches the work with your current readiness. Or vice-versa.

It is kind of like an exploration or an adventure -- "probe-sense-respond".

Or maybe I get on a roll cranking through some pile or work. A lot of execution in get-it-done mode. sense-analyze-respond, sense-categorize-respond, or just sense-respond.

Spending time with the family follows a very different flow. It's usually more like a Cynefin-Chaos situation. 🙂 (We have a large family, with several young children still at home, and always a lot of activities.) It's not too hard to get into a flow state in this situation also - but it's different than the "standing out" flow. But one has to be willing to abandon oneself to the situation and just ride with the chaos, go with wherever it takes you, but also trying to keep in mind wherever it was you were originally hoping to go, and trying to find opportunities to take things in that direction -- if that makes any sense. In Cynefin-Chaos, it doesn't matter so much what you do. Just do anything. Whatever is right in front of you. Whatever is making the most noise. "Act-sense-respond".

It can be somewhat jarring, though, moving between the list-world and the family-chaos world. My mind may still be with my list, where the current reality demands me to be present with the chaos of the family. Or the fun of surfing the chaos of the family, may be hard to break away from, to the relative tedium of working the list.


<< And the second reaction is: how about treating 'engaging with your family' as a list item? "Work" on that item when it stands out, and "work" on it for as long as you feel like. >>

Usually it works something like this. When I am at work at my job -- or in the evening meetings required sometimes when working across time zones -- this, of necessity, trumps everything else; we manage it within its own box. The challenge is the personal discretionary time. And there, when it's quiet and the family is away or asleep, I just work my list. But then the family wakes up or returns, and I leave my list and go engage with the family and the wonderful chaos ensues. The chaos often continues until it's time for bed. But sometimes it reaches a relative calm, and everyone is occupied with their own things, and I start to wonder what I should be doing with myself. At that point I turn back to my list, and go with my list. Until the chaos calls me again. I think I just need to get better at realizing when it's time to switch worlds and do it immediately, rather than belaboring the transition.

Mike Brown -

<< I'll throw in my observation that a goal of "feel fulfillment in..." will always be out of reach. >>

<< Though I do remember Mark's posts many years ago talking about his value of spaciousness, having space in his life and schedule. >>

Goldratt wrote and spoke quite a bit about the wording of goals. They should not be too vague -- and perhaps my "feel fulfillment in what I am doing" is too vague. But neither should they be too specific or measurable, because these tend to be too limiting.

He would recommend identifying the thing you want, and then formulate it as "more NNN" or "more and more NNN" or "more NNN, now and in the future". For example, if it's a factory, then it would be "more profits, now and in the future". The idea is it should be open-ended, always increasing.

For me personally, the "feel fulfillment in getting a lot of the right stuff done for my wife and family" has a specific feel to it, a specific sense of what that is like. And I also have a specific idea of what it's like when it's NOT happening. So I guess for my own purposes, it's good enough. I guess that's the thing that matters - that we write the goals in such a way that they are meaningful to us personally, in a practical and emotional way.


<< I will make a glib statement i cannot support that love is of the heart and productivity/efficiency is of the mind, and the heart's needs will always trump the mind's. >>

That may be true in theory, and yet do we not often find them in conflict?

Here is another way to approach it:

Let's say D = "Follow the mind"

And let's say D' = "Follow the heart"

What would be B, C, and A? 🙂

Alan Baljeu --

<< Seraphim, let me know when your book on Personal Goldratting comes out. I'll buy it. >>

Funny you should say that...

Cricket -

<< Many families do need agendas, or they won't spend time together, quality or not. >>

My wife and I often find we need to agree on a time to discuss things, otherwise they pile up and we never have time to work through them. The funny thing is, we almost never meet at the agreed time!

But actually having an agreed time, does seem to help ensure that we talk more, even if it doesn't happen at the agreed time. Maybe it just makes us more consciously aware of the need.

That's a great rule. My wife does the same thing with our children, although it doesn't work regularly for me during the week with my long commute. But on Sundays we are able to do it.

My oldest son, recently married, was really surprised to find out that not every family does this!

To get back to the titular topic of this thread - getting an AF1-like sense of flow with Serial No-List - I have been pondering a bit another minor difficulty I have been running into with Serial No-List.

Occasionally, I am just not in the mood at the beginning of the day to sit down and think about what to put on my list. It's usually when I have awakened with a mild migraine, or some other exacerbation, and I am just out of sorts. On days like that, I really just wish I was following a pre-existing list, like with AF1 or Simple Scanning. I just want to start passively scanning a list and get into a groove and go with it. I don't want to THINK so much. I just want to get into that FLOW. That CALMING and MEDITATIVE STATE that AF1 was so good at bringing about, and would help me forget about my migraine (at least the mild ones). And on days like this, it annoys me that I made this rule for myself to start my day with a blank page and to write down whatever is on my mind, because it's an obstacle to getting into the flow.

So I kept having these thoughts, maybe I should find some way to "switch to Simple Scanning mode" or some other dreadful complication. (Not that Simple Scanning is dreadful -- it's not, of course! But it would be dreadful to make some monstrous hybrid system between Serial No-List and Simple Scanning with a bunch of complex algorithmic rules.)

So it occurs to me as I am writing this that the solution is very simple. If there is nothing on my mind, then fine, just go with it. Don't write anything new. Just immediately start scanning the older pages.

Why not? I suppose I should just try it and see. Might be a good way to spend a "down day".