Discussion Forum > Recovering from Survival Mode
Hi Laura,
I sometimes find myself in the spot you describe. Perhaps not as extreme but still nevertheless feeling like there's too much and I can't handle everything. I find first of all it's necessary to concede that and pare down expectations.
Following a Mark Forster type system, I would not write down everything and pick something. Instead, I would write down what I am confident I can do today (however minimal) and shift everything else you don't want to forget to a backlog.
Do the few items you've committed to today. When those things are accomplished if there is still time and willpower, I would scan the backlog for more, but beware: If you are not feeling "fit" to load up on things done, then make sure you aren't loading up, and allow yourself to check out. Figure out what is vital (urgent and important), don't miss those things, and then everything else is for now optional.
That's my approach.
There's also an idea of getting other people to help you figure this out. I just don't have those kinds of connections beyond this forum. If you do, it's Probably a good idea too.
I sometimes find myself in the spot you describe. Perhaps not as extreme but still nevertheless feeling like there's too much and I can't handle everything. I find first of all it's necessary to concede that and pare down expectations.
Following a Mark Forster type system, I would not write down everything and pick something. Instead, I would write down what I am confident I can do today (however minimal) and shift everything else you don't want to forget to a backlog.
Do the few items you've committed to today. When those things are accomplished if there is still time and willpower, I would scan the backlog for more, but beware: If you are not feeling "fit" to load up on things done, then make sure you aren't loading up, and allow yourself to check out. Figure out what is vital (urgent and important), don't miss those things, and then everything else is for now optional.
That's my approach.
There's also an idea of getting other people to help you figure this out. I just don't have those kinds of connections beyond this forum. If you do, it's Probably a good idea too.
April 23, 2024 at 14:18 |
Alan Baljeu
Alan Baljeu
Hello Laura, thanks for sharing your experience. As another long time lurker (and very occasional poster) I recognise the sort of situation you describe. It may or may not be helpful to you but when I feel overwhelmed I tend to default back to the system in one of Mark's other books, Do It Tomorrow (DIT). That has a great process for clearing the decks and allowing you to start feeling a sense of space which can really help with starting to get things going, and feeling you can dedicate whatever mental space you have to actually doing things instead of juggling plates. I'm sure there are details of DIT elsewhere on the site, and I hope you find an approach that works for you.
April 23, 2024 at 16:49 |
Ben H
Ben H
Laura,
I read your post. I have the book "Get Everything Done". I like the method of timeboxing, and cycling through a list, and increasing the amount of time on each pass.
I am actually doing it right now. I hope you enjoy the forum.
I read your post. I have the book "Get Everything Done". I like the method of timeboxing, and cycling through a list, and increasing the amount of time on each pass.
I am actually doing it right now. I hope you enjoy the forum.
April 24, 2024 at 15:31 |
Mark H.
Mark H.
Laura: not to pile on with book recommendations (though I will), I'd strongly suggest looking at "Tranquillity by Tuesday" by Laura Vanderkam. This book came to my attention via productivity blogger Laura Earnest, who blogged about her journey implementing the book's 9 main 'habits' (you can find the posts at https://www.lauraearnest.com/).
Vanderkam tested her ideas on a cohort who scored themselves on the ideas' effectiveness and shared their discoveries. Some of the 'rules' may sound mundane -- use Friday afternoon to plan the next week, batch the little things -- while others are a mindset that you make real via scheduling, such as 'three times a week is a habit' (ie, exercise, crafting), 'take one night for you'.
The book is very readable and I've found myself mentally noting whether I've 'moved by 3pm' (one of her rules) if I haven't exercised or walked that day. I found really good useful stuff in there.
If you're serious about doing a sort of top-to-bottom review of your life, and are looking for a few big strategies that could drive the more tactical decisions you need to make, then I'd recommend starting with Vanderkam's book first and then move to Mark's books when you really want to start honing your edge. (That said, Mark's "Do It Tomorrow" is probably the first of his books I'd recommend if you're starting from zero.)
The danger with all these book recommendations is that they have great ideas and then you get a pile-up in your mind of ALL THE POSSIBLE THINGS YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO and then freeze up. Start small, one rule or tactic at a time, for a week or two, see if it works for you (some of them won't), and then keep trying. Know that you'll succeed and this is a trial-and-error game.
Vanderkam tested her ideas on a cohort who scored themselves on the ideas' effectiveness and shared their discoveries. Some of the 'rules' may sound mundane -- use Friday afternoon to plan the next week, batch the little things -- while others are a mindset that you make real via scheduling, such as 'three times a week is a habit' (ie, exercise, crafting), 'take one night for you'.
The book is very readable and I've found myself mentally noting whether I've 'moved by 3pm' (one of her rules) if I haven't exercised or walked that day. I found really good useful stuff in there.
If you're serious about doing a sort of top-to-bottom review of your life, and are looking for a few big strategies that could drive the more tactical decisions you need to make, then I'd recommend starting with Vanderkam's book first and then move to Mark's books when you really want to start honing your edge. (That said, Mark's "Do It Tomorrow" is probably the first of his books I'd recommend if you're starting from zero.)
The danger with all these book recommendations is that they have great ideas and then you get a pile-up in your mind of ALL THE POSSIBLE THINGS YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO and then freeze up. Start small, one rule or tactic at a time, for a week or two, see if it works for you (some of them won't), and then keep trying. Know that you'll succeed and this is a trial-and-error game.
April 24, 2024 at 16:23 |
Mike Brown
Mike Brown
Update - Day 1
Mental Exercise (ie Get Everything Done book): My ONE THING for today is to trim my girls nails
(AND - FAIL. sigh I did half of it - I got fingernails done, but we were outside and I didn’t take the extra step of taking off shoes and socks.) I know there is great truth in Mark’s statements here that rebuilding my own ability to execute, to choose to do something and DO IT is a big part of digging out. And this was kind of humbling to fail something I thought was going to be “easy”.)
Started with email -
I set up some better sorting systems - smart folders in apple mail to group similar stuff together. Unsubscribed from many lists. Made some conscious decisions about how to think about some categories of mail (ie - any news summary emails older than this week can be automatically deleted... Feeling some sort of need to “catch up” by reading old news is both kind of silly, and wildly unrealistic.).
Processed all email that came in yesterday!
Processing email isn’t really something that I would put on my “priority” list; but when everything is so far behind, it seems like just starting somewhere, ANYWHERE, and making progress is a good thing. (And trying to decide what the “priority” is to start on has had me not starting / tied in knots for awhile now... so trying to let go of that mindset and try something else.).
** This came at the expense of not getting breakfast started on time, and so a very late breakfast for me and my girls; but the feeling of accomplishment & hope - I might actually be able to dig out of all this! - was (I think) worth the tradeoff.
Breakfast and CLEAN UP
I’ve had this phrase in my own head for awhile, but it fits well with Mark’s systems:
The key to digging out: Stop leaving behind new messes. Take baby steps to clean up existing messes.
This of course is harder than it sounds. Keeping on top of the daily dishes, laundry and pet care and kid chaos often feels like a lot in itself.
But for today - cleaning up after breakfast before moving onto other things = win. (And it made dinner and evening stuff a lot easier too.
After that we went outside for my girls to play and me to putter in the garden for the afternoon. My garden is one of the few things I’m NOT resisting right now. It brings me a huge amount of joy and I love working, puttering with my vegetable garden, flower beds and other plants.
I’ve also been trying to focus on the question, “What do I want?” I WANT to be a peaceful mom. I WANT to have the day to day “stuff” of life just be part of the rhythm, not a backlog, problem, or “big deal”. With these in mind (and having actually cleaned up the kitchen mid-day) - the evening stuff, dinner, bedtimes, etc. went quite well.
Mental Exercise (ie Get Everything Done book): My ONE THING for today is to trim my girls nails
(AND - FAIL. sigh I did half of it - I got fingernails done, but we were outside and I didn’t take the extra step of taking off shoes and socks.) I know there is great truth in Mark’s statements here that rebuilding my own ability to execute, to choose to do something and DO IT is a big part of digging out. And this was kind of humbling to fail something I thought was going to be “easy”.)
Started with email -
I set up some better sorting systems - smart folders in apple mail to group similar stuff together. Unsubscribed from many lists. Made some conscious decisions about how to think about some categories of mail (ie - any news summary emails older than this week can be automatically deleted... Feeling some sort of need to “catch up” by reading old news is both kind of silly, and wildly unrealistic.).
Processed all email that came in yesterday!
Processing email isn’t really something that I would put on my “priority” list; but when everything is so far behind, it seems like just starting somewhere, ANYWHERE, and making progress is a good thing. (And trying to decide what the “priority” is to start on has had me not starting / tied in knots for awhile now... so trying to let go of that mindset and try something else.).
** This came at the expense of not getting breakfast started on time, and so a very late breakfast for me and my girls; but the feeling of accomplishment & hope - I might actually be able to dig out of all this! - was (I think) worth the tradeoff.
Breakfast and CLEAN UP
I’ve had this phrase in my own head for awhile, but it fits well with Mark’s systems:
The key to digging out: Stop leaving behind new messes. Take baby steps to clean up existing messes.
This of course is harder than it sounds. Keeping on top of the daily dishes, laundry and pet care and kid chaos often feels like a lot in itself.
But for today - cleaning up after breakfast before moving onto other things = win. (And it made dinner and evening stuff a lot easier too.
After that we went outside for my girls to play and me to putter in the garden for the afternoon. My garden is one of the few things I’m NOT resisting right now. It brings me a huge amount of joy and I love working, puttering with my vegetable garden, flower beds and other plants.
I’ve also been trying to focus on the question, “What do I want?” I WANT to be a peaceful mom. I WANT to have the day to day “stuff” of life just be part of the rhythm, not a backlog, problem, or “big deal”. With these in mind (and having actually cleaned up the kitchen mid-day) - the evening stuff, dinner, bedtimes, etc. went quite well.
April 24, 2024 at 18:02 |
LauraH
LauraH
THANK YOU to all of you who have taken the time to read my post and respond with your thoughtfulness, ideas and compassion. It is helpful, kind and appreciated!
Alan & Ben -
I’ve been pondering your posts and realize you are both suggesting that closed lists might be a key part of digging out here. I have not yet read DIT, but I just ordered it, so it’ll be the next one I read. As I’ve pondered, I suspect there is great wisdom in what both of you are saying: Closed lists & Building the “execution” muscle.
I’ve fought against the idea of “closed lists” because most days I’m an at home mom. I’ve generally just thought that doesn’t lend itself to a “closed list”. But I’ve been pondering... and especially after reading through Seraphim’s RTM method - it clicked that huge chunks of my day can be a closed list... it’s just that they go on the REPEATING list. Laundry, meals & clean up, getting children dressed, fed, naps... And if I take the time to list those out; those become their own “closed list” - a daily rhythm. Just maybe not in the way I’ve traditionally thought about.
I’m looking forward to reading DIT and trying to see how that idea may (or may not?) fit for a (mostly) stay at home mom.
Mark H. -
Thank you for your encouragement! I’m still working to wrap my head around how the GED method of listing projects and looping through works. I think part of it requires backing up to even be able to break down the “overwhelm” into projects or areas. Right now, it might be as simple as: “Routine work (ie - repeating list)”, “Declutter (by area)” and “Homeschool”.... continuing to ponder.
Mike Brown -
THANK YOU for the suggestion! I agree, I don’t want to get bogged down in all the methods. But your suggestion to start with some “quality of life” kind of things (vs just “task list”) is definitely a valuable one. I read through Laura Earnest’s posts and will ponder the rules. Some of them dove tail with other things I’ve been pondering myself (especially the Big and Small adventure - a way of making time “special” instead of an endless loop of “the same” and the “effortful” idea of trying to add richness and meaning to life.) Survival mode / “shrinking” tends to remove things that add richness - and that is absolutely something I’ve felt the loss of and desire to start to build back in.
I especially appreciate your last line: It's a trial and error game. Thank you for the reminder / reality check. Some stuff will work, some won't... keep trying.
------------------------
If I go with Mark’s idea from GED about how resistance gives us the roadmap to what we most need to do - the two big areas I need to focus on are getting more consistent with our homeschool and decluttering.
I’ve got a pretty good idea what needs to happen with Homeschool - and that’s just me needing to execute consistently. I want to use some of the tools about questions, writing, etc. to try and figure out what the bottlenecks or resistance here is. And, I suspect part of it is just that when I ignore it for a few days (or more...) the resistance builds. So, I want to start taking consistent steps each day.
Decluttering - I’ve gotten myself all tied up around not being able to choose where to “start”. But processing email yesterday helped my thought processes... it’s ok to just start. In the absence of a clear, “This is the important place to start....” then it’s probably more important to just dive in SOMEWHERE.
Alan & Ben -
I’ve been pondering your posts and realize you are both suggesting that closed lists might be a key part of digging out here. I have not yet read DIT, but I just ordered it, so it’ll be the next one I read. As I’ve pondered, I suspect there is great wisdom in what both of you are saying: Closed lists & Building the “execution” muscle.
I’ve fought against the idea of “closed lists” because most days I’m an at home mom. I’ve generally just thought that doesn’t lend itself to a “closed list”. But I’ve been pondering... and especially after reading through Seraphim’s RTM method - it clicked that huge chunks of my day can be a closed list... it’s just that they go on the REPEATING list. Laundry, meals & clean up, getting children dressed, fed, naps... And if I take the time to list those out; those become their own “closed list” - a daily rhythm. Just maybe not in the way I’ve traditionally thought about.
I’m looking forward to reading DIT and trying to see how that idea may (or may not?) fit for a (mostly) stay at home mom.
Mark H. -
Thank you for your encouragement! I’m still working to wrap my head around how the GED method of listing projects and looping through works. I think part of it requires backing up to even be able to break down the “overwhelm” into projects or areas. Right now, it might be as simple as: “Routine work (ie - repeating list)”, “Declutter (by area)” and “Homeschool”.... continuing to ponder.
Mike Brown -
THANK YOU for the suggestion! I agree, I don’t want to get bogged down in all the methods. But your suggestion to start with some “quality of life” kind of things (vs just “task list”) is definitely a valuable one. I read through Laura Earnest’s posts and will ponder the rules. Some of them dove tail with other things I’ve been pondering myself (especially the Big and Small adventure - a way of making time “special” instead of an endless loop of “the same” and the “effortful” idea of trying to add richness and meaning to life.) Survival mode / “shrinking” tends to remove things that add richness - and that is absolutely something I’ve felt the loss of and desire to start to build back in.
I especially appreciate your last line: It's a trial and error game. Thank you for the reminder / reality check. Some stuff will work, some won't... keep trying.
------------------------
If I go with Mark’s idea from GED about how resistance gives us the roadmap to what we most need to do - the two big areas I need to focus on are getting more consistent with our homeschool and decluttering.
I’ve got a pretty good idea what needs to happen with Homeschool - and that’s just me needing to execute consistently. I want to use some of the tools about questions, writing, etc. to try and figure out what the bottlenecks or resistance here is. And, I suspect part of it is just that when I ignore it for a few days (or more...) the resistance builds. So, I want to start taking consistent steps each day.
Decluttering - I’ve gotten myself all tied up around not being able to choose where to “start”. But processing email yesterday helped my thought processes... it’s ok to just start. In the absence of a clear, “This is the important place to start....” then it’s probably more important to just dive in SOMEWHERE.
April 24, 2024 at 18:25 |
LauraH
LauraH
Laura,
I like the No-list methods that can be found under the tab TM systems. I think this is a good way to build momentum. They are simple and short-term. The simplest is write down one thing, and then do it, and cross it out, and write another task, do it, and cross it out, etc. I can do this for a few minutes before I feel like writing down a few items. Then I might cycle through the few items, either using a time limit (I even start with 1 minute if I really don't feel like doing anything) , or the FV method of sorting. I might spend an hour doing this, keeping the time limit short - I can do dishes, tidy the desk, clean the sink, check email, brush my teeth, start setting up to work on more time consuming projects. I view it as a warmup. When one is used to this, it is easier to use bigger times such 5, 10, 15 minute intervals. Generally, I work my way up to them after the shorter intervals. (Mark Forster somewhere on his website recommends doing one thing in intervals of 1,2,3,4,5, etc. minutes and stopping after the interval and increasing the time by one minute.)
If someone is starting from scratch, I think the Simple Scanning method is easy to start and implement. Write down all the things that are on your mind, and make a list of them, and start doing some work on whatever stands out, and continue to cycle through them, do and cross out, and rewrite if needed.
I like the No-list methods that can be found under the tab TM systems. I think this is a good way to build momentum. They are simple and short-term. The simplest is write down one thing, and then do it, and cross it out, and write another task, do it, and cross it out, etc. I can do this for a few minutes before I feel like writing down a few items. Then I might cycle through the few items, either using a time limit (I even start with 1 minute if I really don't feel like doing anything) , or the FV method of sorting. I might spend an hour doing this, keeping the time limit short - I can do dishes, tidy the desk, clean the sink, check email, brush my teeth, start setting up to work on more time consuming projects. I view it as a warmup. When one is used to this, it is easier to use bigger times such 5, 10, 15 minute intervals. Generally, I work my way up to them after the shorter intervals. (Mark Forster somewhere on his website recommends doing one thing in intervals of 1,2,3,4,5, etc. minutes and stopping after the interval and increasing the time by one minute.)
If someone is starting from scratch, I think the Simple Scanning method is easy to start and implement. Write down all the things that are on your mind, and make a list of them, and start doing some work on whatever stands out, and continue to cycle through them, do and cross out, and rewrite if needed.
April 24, 2024 at 21:21 |
Mark H.
Mark H.
Laura,
I am going through a low patch at the moment. I know that the days I don't look at my lists I tend to get overwhelmed and get little done. And yet those days still happen!
I wish you the best in your quest to get your world moving in the right direction. (I was going to say "under control", but that is at best a dream.)
It sounds as though you're making real progress: well done!
I am going through a low patch at the moment. I know that the days I don't look at my lists I tend to get overwhelmed and get little done. And yet those days still happen!
I wish you the best in your quest to get your world moving in the right direction. (I was going to say "under control", but that is at best a dream.)
It sounds as though you're making real progress: well done!
April 26, 2024 at 0:09 |
Will
Will
Observation: There is a mental switch somehow from "looking at a task list" to "I'm going to take action on these tasks".
I'm starting to think maybe that is one of the key things that a "closed list" (and probably "little and often") does. It removes the tendency to let a list become just "stuff" when I know I can never get the whole list done - which results in a mindset related to apathy. And that shift to, "This is a finish-able list that I AM GOING TO DO" - is necessary. And "just do something" helps to get things moving - I don't have to clear the whole dinning room table, I just have to put away a couple things...
I can see how, once you've started to acquire the mindset of, "I'm going to DO THIS STUFF...." a long list becomes usable (and - there becomes a lot more clarity seeing things that stand out on the list as, "not going to do right now, move to archive"). Whatever that previous "apathy" or hopelessness(?) mindset is - it results in actions that are lackluster at best - pursuing easy, low resistance, but not necessarily meaningful actions (and that itself leads to more apathy / frustration / hopelessness.).
But trying to see things with the action / "I will do this..." mindset shifts the way lists (and LIFE!?) are viewed.
Continuing to ponder... But this seems positive.
I'm starting to think maybe that is one of the key things that a "closed list" (and probably "little and often") does. It removes the tendency to let a list become just "stuff" when I know I can never get the whole list done - which results in a mindset related to apathy. And that shift to, "This is a finish-able list that I AM GOING TO DO" - is necessary. And "just do something" helps to get things moving - I don't have to clear the whole dinning room table, I just have to put away a couple things...
I can see how, once you've started to acquire the mindset of, "I'm going to DO THIS STUFF...." a long list becomes usable (and - there becomes a lot more clarity seeing things that stand out on the list as, "not going to do right now, move to archive"). Whatever that previous "apathy" or hopelessness(?) mindset is - it results in actions that are lackluster at best - pursuing easy, low resistance, but not necessarily meaningful actions (and that itself leads to more apathy / frustration / hopelessness.).
But trying to see things with the action / "I will do this..." mindset shifts the way lists (and LIFE!?) are viewed.
Continuing to ponder... But this seems positive.
April 27, 2024 at 19:09 |
LauraH
LauraH
Laura,
I've found Courtney Carver (Be More with Less and the Simplicity Space) excellent resources for decluttering and more importantly simplifying. I've tried many of Mark's systems and have liked them all, but not enough to commit to one for the long run. Right now, I'm doing a version of one,the name of which escapes me right now, the one where you right down what you need to work on/get done now and I try to limit the number to 10 (not that all are actioned that day, it depends on the time available). This is a great group to learn from and with.
I've found Courtney Carver (Be More with Less and the Simplicity Space) excellent resources for decluttering and more importantly simplifying. I've tried many of Mark's systems and have liked them all, but not enough to commit to one for the long run. Right now, I'm doing a version of one,the name of which escapes me right now, the one where you right down what you need to work on/get done now and I try to limit the number to 10 (not that all are actioned that day, it depends on the time available). This is a great group to learn from and with.
April 28, 2024 at 6:06 |
Maureen
Maureen
Lots of good advice here. I'll add a few things that I think haven't been mentioned yet.
Often, when things pile up, simply managing the overhead of having all of these things existing in one's life and undone is intensely expensive. This mental overhead can undermine our ability to actually do anything.
Thus, one of the greatest skills, IMO, is the ability to persist in and allow oneself to simply do one thing at a time. By practicing a "one thing" mentality, you'll be more present, more effective, and more able to finish things, which, in the end, is the only way to reduce the overheads. It requires that you allow yourself to be okay with things not being done, in order to focus on doing something. As you mention, it's not always important at the early stage to pick the "best" thing, but just something worth doing at all.
I'd also add that I like the Time Surfing formulation of this: Do one thing at a time, and finish what you're doing. People have a bad habit of sitting down to do something, and then leaving it all "out there to come back to later" and then shifting to a new thing, and doing that. The end result is a trail of unfinished work. Even if you're only going to do a little bit on any one thing, I think it's critical to your mental efficiency and emotional efficiency to "close the loop" when you are done doing that one thing. You put all the stuff away that you used to do the thing, you let it go, and you "do the clean up" as it were.
The "finish" part of doing one thing can have huge energy ramifications in the day, and that can greatly help you to actually keep going through the day and feel better about it. A lot of people don't like the idea of putting a bunch of things away, in their mind or physically, when they know they'll just have to get it all back out again when they start working on that thing again later if they don't do the whole thing in one sitting. While it's technically less efficient in some sense, it serves a critical mental purpose, and in the end I think it is a net win for efficiency overall, even though it's a little less physically efficient on a per task level. The mental advantage is too great to ignore, IMO.
Often, when things pile up, simply managing the overhead of having all of these things existing in one's life and undone is intensely expensive. This mental overhead can undermine our ability to actually do anything.
Thus, one of the greatest skills, IMO, is the ability to persist in and allow oneself to simply do one thing at a time. By practicing a "one thing" mentality, you'll be more present, more effective, and more able to finish things, which, in the end, is the only way to reduce the overheads. It requires that you allow yourself to be okay with things not being done, in order to focus on doing something. As you mention, it's not always important at the early stage to pick the "best" thing, but just something worth doing at all.
I'd also add that I like the Time Surfing formulation of this: Do one thing at a time, and finish what you're doing. People have a bad habit of sitting down to do something, and then leaving it all "out there to come back to later" and then shifting to a new thing, and doing that. The end result is a trail of unfinished work. Even if you're only going to do a little bit on any one thing, I think it's critical to your mental efficiency and emotional efficiency to "close the loop" when you are done doing that one thing. You put all the stuff away that you used to do the thing, you let it go, and you "do the clean up" as it were.
The "finish" part of doing one thing can have huge energy ramifications in the day, and that can greatly help you to actually keep going through the day and feel better about it. A lot of people don't like the idea of putting a bunch of things away, in their mind or physically, when they know they'll just have to get it all back out again when they start working on that thing again later if they don't do the whole thing in one sitting. While it's technically less efficient in some sense, it serves a critical mental purpose, and in the end I think it is a net win for efficiency overall, even though it's a little less physically efficient on a per task level. The mental advantage is too great to ignore, IMO.
May 1, 2024 at 14:07 |
Aaron Hsu
Aaron Hsu
Aaron, I found your insight very helpful. Thanks.
I specifically liked your thoughts on doing "something worth doing at all" as a great way to build momentum and reduce resistance. I think that's similar to randomization's benefits.
Your thoughts about the "less efficient" effort of closing the loop on things is good advice that I don't often take, but want to do better at. I can't count the times that I've left something where I last used it rather than where it belongs and then was frustrated that it wasn't where I thought it should be the next time. Applying that to my "thinking" notes makes sense too. I know I get frustrated when I can't remember a thought or decision that I failed write down because I thought it would be "there" when I came back to it.
Brent
I specifically liked your thoughts on doing "something worth doing at all" as a great way to build momentum and reduce resistance. I think that's similar to randomization's benefits.
Your thoughts about the "less efficient" effort of closing the loop on things is good advice that I don't often take, but want to do better at. I can't count the times that I've left something where I last used it rather than where it belongs and then was frustrated that it wasn't where I thought it should be the next time. Applying that to my "thinking" notes makes sense too. I know I get frustrated when I can't remember a thought or decision that I failed write down because I thought it would be "there" when I came back to it.
Brent
May 1, 2024 at 21:54 |
Brent
Brent
Aaron -
That's one of the best descriptions I've heard of what this feels like, and why I feel so STUCK. "Often, when things pile up, simply managing the overhead of having all of these things existing in one's life and undone is intensely expensive. This mental overhead can undermine our ability to actually do anything." YES. THAT!!
It has indeed been helpful to get started on something, ANYTHING and see progress. I'm starting to think in terms of "looping" projects. For example - one of my daughter's rooms had gotten to be quite a mess. I had grand visions of getting it all sorted... but then after diving in realized there's "levels" to this. There is - picked up enough to be functional and comfortable again (but still with some boxes and baskets to sort/clean out, and the closet being far from decluttered...) and then there is "ideal". And really - the level of "functional, comfortable" is appropriate for now. And there are other areas to focus on brining to that standard. "Ideal" can come latter.
(It feels like this goes a bit against the idea of "finish" - but I'm not sure it does?).
Thank you for the thoughts on "finishing", putting away, etc. I agree with you. There is a popular cleaning/decluttering blog called "A Slob Comes Clean". And one of her "claims to fame" is her decluttering method - how to declutter without making a bigger mess! But it's basically what you note here - don't leave piles, etc. behind. Put things away as you go, even if it's one thing at a time! So that you aren't left with more mess than you started with.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
That's one of the best descriptions I've heard of what this feels like, and why I feel so STUCK. "Often, when things pile up, simply managing the overhead of having all of these things existing in one's life and undone is intensely expensive. This mental overhead can undermine our ability to actually do anything." YES. THAT!!
It has indeed been helpful to get started on something, ANYTHING and see progress. I'm starting to think in terms of "looping" projects. For example - one of my daughter's rooms had gotten to be quite a mess. I had grand visions of getting it all sorted... but then after diving in realized there's "levels" to this. There is - picked up enough to be functional and comfortable again (but still with some boxes and baskets to sort/clean out, and the closet being far from decluttered...) and then there is "ideal". And really - the level of "functional, comfortable" is appropriate for now. And there are other areas to focus on brining to that standard. "Ideal" can come latter.
(It feels like this goes a bit against the idea of "finish" - but I'm not sure it does?).
Thank you for the thoughts on "finishing", putting away, etc. I agree with you. There is a popular cleaning/decluttering blog called "A Slob Comes Clean". And one of her "claims to fame" is her decluttering method - how to declutter without making a bigger mess! But it's basically what you note here - don't leave piles, etc. behind. Put things away as you go, even if it's one thing at a time! So that you aren't left with more mess than you started with.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
May 6, 2024 at 1:03 |
LauraH
LauraH
One clutter control tip I heard years ago was: never leave a room empty-handed. There's usually something that needs to be put away, thrown away, etc whatever room you're in.
May 6, 2024 at 15:42 |
Mike Brown
Mike Brown
I have been a long time dabbler with Mark’s systems, and lurker on this discussion forum. I’ve often felt drawn to FV in particular (and it’s variants), but never stuck with it for long. I’ve always managed to feel an annoying sense of distrust about something so “radical” that drags me back to attempts at following more “conventional” TM advice. And really, for most of my life, I’ve been able to get by alright with the various other systems, methods, practices I’ve used.
However - I faced a long period (several years) of various crisis and upheaval. On many levels I shrunk back to “survival mode” - taking care of the basics of caring for my children and myself felt like a herculean effort. (For clarity - our home, a livable income, and other such key essentials have remained in place through everything, so our actual “survival” was not in question, but the time and emotional / physical energy to do much beyond the basics was not available.).
Thankfully, the main chaos causing situation is resolved at this time (AMEN). Yet, as I now try to “emerge” and “recover” I’m finding that none of my “old” methods are working. I feel shrunk, stuck. And, the backlog of.... well, EVERYTHING... is daunting. It was bad enough for awhile that even the most basic of routines & systems (brushing teeth, showering!) fell apart. To say nothing of more “advanced” systems like processing mail, dealing with physical clutter, or household chores. Standard advice like, “Choose a top three!” or “Prioritize!” etc. just isn’t proving to be an effective tool to handle all this.
So, now I am working to rebuild the pieces of life. This is proving to be very challenging. I’m feeling I need to:
* Restore trust in my own ability - as things got worse, my capacity to “handle” things kept declining as well; and there is now a lot of subtle fear/distrust that I am not capable, that the challenges are “to much”.
* Rebuild routines and systems - Even some of the most core / basic systems got displaced, so there is a LOT to try and rebuild / implement.
* Deal with many backlogs - It’s hard to bring myself to deal with various backlogs (clutter, paper, switching out clothing sizes and seasons for my girls, even picking up toys...) knowing that I don’t have systems to prevent them from rapidly descending into chaos again.
And... I’m struggling to build systems when the various backlogs mean that space to sort or process, or even function is overwhelmed. There is kind of a chicken & egg problem here between backlogs and systems.
* Get moving again after having ignored so many things for so long - Everywhere I look are backlogs, and missing systems. It’s hard to figure out where to even start.
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I’ve just finished my first quick read through Mark’s book - Get Everything Done and Still Have Time to Play. I plan to start back through it doing the exercises, but on my first past I simply read it all. In the book, (and what I have read on the blog for a long time) - Mark does a great job of putting into clear words things that I’ve been feeling also. (The list above was from things I wrote BEFORE reading Mark’s book! So, the overlap between my list and Mark’s book is not lost on me!).
I know, this isn’t quite the kind of post that is “normal” for this forum. But I’ve been lurking here a long time. I’ve come to appreciate the thoughtfulness, maturity and attention shown here. This is a group that likes thinking, likes improving (themselves AND each other). And I’m hoping that by sharing here, I can gain insights from all of you, as well as share my journey - successes and failures - and also help hold myself accountable for moving things forward and not staying stuck. Also, my sense is that this group will understand my need to have things intuitively “fit” and “feel right” - not simply muscle through, or brute force through a to-do list. It’s not as simple as just “check stuff off” - there’s more pieces than that.
I thought it may be interesting to share my journey with the book and “digging out” here also - again, looking for insights, encouragement and some understanding community.
Thank you in advance all! To start, I especially welcome any insights on the tension between dealing with the “day to day”, trying to create/build systems and dealing with the backlog to create enough space for systems. Any wisdom for how to think about such things? How to help myself figure out where to start?